Quotes:

› Let's all take a moment to honor the sacrifice of our brave school children who lay down their lives to protect our right to bear arms.

› Never in my life would I have believed that the biggest threat to America would be its own President.

› In all the Universe... nothing is more subjective than humor.

› To a Trump supporter: "I often wonder how weak you must feel to look at Don Trump and see strength."

› Truth: Lying to your employer isn't a crime. Lying to your neighbor isn't a crime. Lying to your church isn't a crime. Lying on television isn't a crime. Lying to your spouse isn't a crime. Lying to your children isn't a crime. Lying to yourself is.

› ..... I tend to believe that our Universe really isn't so big, but rather, that humans are just really, really, really small.

› When asked about the president: (during an interview for Vanity Fair)
"Well - here we have an adulterous, draft dodging, pathologically lying, narcissistic, foul mouthed, low class, treasonous, crook and fallen soldier disrespecting, national disgrace. Did I miss anything???"

› Voting is just like driving a car - it's quite simple. To go backward choose "R". To go forward, choose "D". Couldn't be easier.

› .........and I dream. I dream of an event - something so fantastic - so powerful - so devastatingly good, that it would shake Lady Liberty right off her feminine foundation - as she runs for her Life - tossing both torch and book into the air........

› Life is bitter-sweet. It is never all sweet, nor all bitter. And life is a constant challenge, balancing these two opposites. Just like ying and yang... but the secret to this I believe, is blending the good within the bad and the bad within the good and yet somehow allow it all to thrive together beautifully. Probably... mankind's greatest challenge.

› Who turns down applause? No one. You'd have to be crazy not to want to take a bow now and again. Everyone loves attention, especially if it is positive and appraising. Watch a person - anyone who is receiving an ovation, watch their eyes, their smile, their grace, the moment when the applause stops... it is an amazing act, both for the audience and the performer-receiver. They actually glow inside! Applause is the one thing few would deny. Our humanity demands we have praise and approval. As a child we are taught this. So, the next time you see something that you like - put your hands together. Give in to that raw human emotion of praise and approval and love and acceptance.
And, take a bow!

› Okay. So, aliens show up on our planet. Everyone is surprised and caught off guard. The scientists want to study them. The military wants to kill them. And the religious folk want to either fear them or worship them. Me? I’d just like to know how they got here and how they were able to keep from destroying one another - - -  our ultimate future of course. 

› The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, heard or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.

› My favorite things? Well... that would be 'trees, puppy dogs, afternoon tea & a Streisand song'. Oh - and Flying Monkeys. Damn, I almost forgot those Flying Monkeys!

› They say that the best things in life are free. It's hard to understand that concept when you're hungry and the rich have all the food.

› Fifty years of trickle-down, has turned Millionaires into Billionaires, and the working class into the working poor.

› When your rainbow's grown dusty and you've tired of the rain - it's time to leave Kansas, balloon or no balloon.

› Most people will believe absolutely anything you tell them, if you simply swear that it's true.

› Whenever someone tells you not to worry - worry. Whenever someone asks you to trust them - don't. And when someone swears to you they're telling you the truth - run like hell!

› Sometimes we touch people's lives in ways that we can never imagine.

› You mispoke. I'm sure you didn't really mean what you just said. Would you like to take a breath, think carefully and try again?

› Life is mystical. Dream it.

› Fantasy and whim today can be your reality of tomorrow.

› You can't stop the sky from falling if the sky wants to fall.

› Surround yourself with beauty. Beautiful people, gorgeous places and beautiful things. In time, you become part of what is near you. Children who are put into extraordinary environments, become more than the whole. Extend yourself into the beautiful part of life - therein lies your better destiny.

› Truth is relative and so is time - however, no one really knows what absolute truth is.

› The first thing you learn as a child is "no". The first thing your learn as an adult is "maybe".

› If time is an illusion, and if thought transcends time, then isn't all that we call life simply an illusion?

› Man's greatest challenge in pondering the Universe, is getting past three dimensional thinking.

› Present, Future, Past, we really don't know which is the last?

› The american dream: A little bit of a little, and a lot of nothing.

› The world has grown smaller, yet vast at the same time. We each know so many people, yet understand so few.

› Always remember that when someone tells you how much money you've saved, you've probably spent too much.

› The best things in life are free, right? When was the last time that you did something that didn't cost a cent that you really enjoyed?

› Old age: Lot's of questions. Little understanding. Few answers.

› Believe nothing, until your government has officially denied it.

› The Internet is the greatest power the world has ever seen.

› Mankind has reached a critical point in time, where there is no longer hope of turning back to correct the mistakes of the past.

› If you could see into your own future, you would most likely not like what you saw.

› No matter how much we plan our lives, we are always surprised by the outcome.

› Of all things learned, of all places seen, of all people met, there is but one memory that reigns supreme.

› Me? I'm still climbin' rainbows. Today, The Adventure Begins.

› Don't wake up one morning to find yourself saying to the reflection in the mirror, "it's too late..."

› You want to impress me? Exceed my expectations. You want to impress yourself? Exceed yours.

› When your fantasies are better than your reality, then it's best to live out your dreams.

› It doesn't take a genius to figure out what's wrong with a situation. All you have to do is have your eyes open to see the problem.

› Never believe anything you hear, only half of what you see, but everything that you dream.

› When outcome is a surprise, planning was most likely based on the past, rather than the future.

› Watch a small child eat an ice cream cone. Watch carefully. Then try to live your entire life exactly like that.

› Defying gravity is awesome, but defying time has to be the ultimate sensation. If you could do that, you could defy the Universe.

› If our Universe is based on organized structure, rather than chaos and chance, then our future is certain.

› The more you talk, the less people listen.

› The distance between comedic and bizarre is but a fraction.

› The world has grown smaller, yet vast at the same time. We each know so many people, yet understand so few.

› The more you have, the more you want. The more you need, the less you desire.

› It's wiser to embrace one small star - than to curse the Universe.

› If all the world really is a stage, then we really are all players. Have you taken a bow recently?

› Time? Conquer time - and you conquer the Universe.

› We all play different roles in life. Rarely do we get to choose those roles. But we do get to choose how we play them.

› You become what you think about most of the time.

› We all fall in love at least once in our lifetime, right? It's easy. The trick is to not fall out of love - that's the challenge.

› When life just becomes a circle of pain and disappointment, it's time to get back to basics - the dry martini, a TV dinner, and an ice cream cone.

› Our country is one of greed and impropriety. The alternative is to move away and live with greed and impropriety.

› Life gives you one performance. You rehearse, you perform & you die. Remember to take your bows. That's the best part.

J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director

Humor:

› My hobbies? - oh, I am very active with the hobbies and such... mine include texting, drinking, driving, texting while driving, driving while drinking, and texting and drinking while driving at night. I never understood the game of golf - no free hands to hold your cocktail and your phone...

› Whenever I'm down, I always celebrate by having a boy - it never fails to pick me right up!

› Go home. Turn off the lights, turn off the computer, turn off the tunes and the TV and sit there in the dark. This is how the entire world lived a hundred years ago. Now don't you feel silly taking that cell phone into the bathroom with you?

› Politics today has become barbaric! To enter the field, you must first learn Acting, Fashion and Rap.

› Sex confuses me. It's dirty, sweaty, stinky, invasive, loud, grotesque and sometimes illegal. I don't get it! And yet, I do it as often as I can.

› I woke up the other morning only to find that I was dead. I got up and fixed my breakfast and got dressed. There was a funeral later that week, everybody came. They all cried. I stood in the back and watched, hoping no one would notice me. On the way out I heard one old friend say "If only I had had more time with him". He hadn't called me in over two years.

› Two things that really piss me off are the number two, and things.

› When I was 20 years old, I was young and beautiful. Now I am 60 years old... Thank Cher I'm still beautiful.

› Life is tough: A friend recently told me that he had been shot at, almost stabbed, victimized, beaten, kidnapped, drugged, kicked, attacked by dogs, hit over the head, thrown down stairs and almost poisoned. And that was just on his wedding night.

› Got a friend that claims that she's a psychic. She goes into trances, wears weird-wild colorful clothing, and moans really loud when she channels up spirits from the dead. It's just like being at one of those fondue restaurants.

› There seem to be patterns in the chaos of the Universe. And I will, til the day I die, continue to search for intelligent life on our planet.

› I took my first cruise on a luxury ocean liner - it was an amazing ship. We set out to sea and I headed on down to the Cocktail Lounge for my afternoon Martinis. Someone in charge was yelling "Women and Children first". I got off at the next port.

› Better to be an old fart, than a young little shit.

› Onions have layers, just like people. And onions make you weep, just like bad little boys. One is often appealing, the other you often peel. Life with or without either could make you cry.

› What's the first thing two dogs do when they meet? Wouldn't it be funny if people did that? Can you imagine a reception line at a wedding, or a family reunion, or meeting your in-laws for the first time?

› NYC population = 8.5 million people. Los Angeles = 3.8 million people. My bedroom = 3,258. You do the math.

› She ran into the room and she shouted, "So, you've had my boy friend's penis inside your vagina, have you?" That's when she picked up the book and threw it at the pickle jar. There were pickles everywhere!

› Sometimes I cry when all of my olives are gone in my martini... Waiter!

› So many people are awe struck when they go to LA - all those movie stars and such. But that city puts its pants on, just like any other city. One arm at a time.

› Intimacy you ask? Sure. Of the more than 3,000 people that I have slept with in my life - number 2,638 really sticks out. Can't remember his name though...

› I have this vision in my mind where Washington DC falls into a 1939 film, where Obama goes on a quest to find some brains, Hillary tries to find a wizard to fix her strange new world, and Pelosi strikes a match to her broom, hoping to strike fear into all the little people. - I'd put my money on the dog to come out on top. Totolly.

› A very wise man once said - "You must bend light to see the Universe inside out. You must bend sound to hear it backwards. And you must always bend over to kiss my ass."

› When I'm ready for a surprise, you make me hard.

› All you really have to do in life is go out with your friends, party hard, and look twice as good as the bitch standing next to you.

› They say that with age comes wisdom - but I don't know. I've met a lot of really stupid old people.

› Americans and Television: Boring people with boring lives, watching boring shows about boring people with boring lives.

› Life? My life doesn't feel empty, it feels full, like I've just had a five course meal and I need to burp really bad.

› The first thing that I do when I awake in the morning is to go pee. Second thing I do is to shake it twice.

› Oh, and I finally figured out why that chicken crossed the road.

› Hey, I don't want to be an alarmist, but did you notice that the world ended last week?

› I'm a bit insane, so don't take me too serial.

› Do butterflies get dizzy?

› Let's get something to eat. I'm thirsty.

› And which one came first - the chicken or the egg? Well obviously, it was the waiter that came first. How else is the food going to get from the kitchen to your table?

› So, is the glass half full, or half empty? All depends on how thirsty you are I guess.

› I am single, but I'm a believer. And I have faith. And I do believe that someday my prince charming will come. Every morning I still check the front yard for horse shit.

› I love to get naked and walk in the rain. It's so free and open and natural - almost child-like. And only eleven times have my neighbors called the police on me.

› The classic gay male paradox: This morning, you awake yet once again last week to find yourself in bed tomorrow morning, and laying next to you is your 16 year old straight son, that you just met the night before at a gay bar, whom you've just slept with and made love to all night long, as he tells of breaking up with his boyfriend of thirty years, who will be his 22 year old twin brother who died at birth, as he looks up at you and says "I think I fell in love with you two days ago, can we go back tomorrow daddy and do this again after I'm younger, but before my late mommy gets home to make love to you for the very first time?"

J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director

Thoughts:

(posted January 1, 2013...)

Well, It's a Brand New Year. Again.

We always enter the new year with hope of it being different some how, with bunches of positive change in mind - and less greed, less fighting, fewer fiscal cliffs or even hills... and more compassion, tolerance and love in our lives.

Right? Well, I've got some bad news for you stupid fuckers.

Nothings going to change. Not in your life - ever. So live with it.

Your pitiful life, year after year, will be nothing but wars, starvation, sickness, greed, poverty, poisons, bad TV and political leaders taking Billions of Dollars from your pockets and inserting it directly into their own.

Quite frankly, I'm growing a tired of your whining and your stupidity and your bitching each and every year about everything going wrong in your pitiful lives. I'm fed up with you, and I really don't want to hear it anymore. So shut up or put up you sleazy bitches. You've almost as bad - NO I take it back, you are WORSE than those dirty-rotten-cheatin-bastards in DC that you're bitching so much about every day.

You do have the power, right? If you really wanted to change things, you would. After all, this is a democracy, right? And you have a vote, right? And you elect what representatives you want, right?

BULLSHIT, you sad fucks! You don't elect shit. You have no voice in life. You are helpless. Can't you see that now? How could you possibly be so blind? Am I the only one that sees the truth here? What planet are you living on now? Are you on drugs? Are you so stoned that you actually believe that your life is okay? It's grand? It's fair? It's good? It's healthy? It's truthful? It's.... why do I even try with you fuckers?

Ya see, I was asked to write an article today for New Years, expressing truth, hope and reality for life in 2013 in wonderful, fair, america. I was asked to write the truth. But you can't handle the truth. You deny the truth. You are blind to the truth. You care about no one but yourself. You are one sad fucker.

This is reality, and you are pitiful.

You deserve everything you get for one more year. I just feel really, really sorry for your kids - that you didn't have the intelligence or the balls to try to do something about the world that they must now live in. I guess you just don't care. But why are you abusing your children? You are one sad fuck.

Happy New Year. The future is in your hands. Now get up off your fat lazy ass, you bull-fart-fuck, and affect some change.

Jesus!

- an don' you make me have to bitch you out like this again next year! I wanna see some radical change going on and I mean it. Big Time. - cause I'll come after yo' sorry ole ass.

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
© 2013, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

(posted December 31, 2012...)

So, It's New Years Eve...

New Years always brings ideas and questions to mind as to what to do for this very special holiday, and how exactly I should celebrate, to bring in a hopeful new year.

Now I don't quite know why, but this holiday always depresses me. A lot.

Perhaps it's because when I think back on this year past, visions of horrible acts come to mind - from wars, poverty, religious plights, mass hunger, governments faltering, money problems at home, and indeed most world economies failing right before our very eyes.

Never happy, funny things.

And there were worse things too, but I didn't want to bring you down too much. We had armegeddon-type disasters, coastal storms, american soldiers killed, children sexually abused - maybe I should stop here...

And I really don't have much hope for a better tomorrow or a better year. And time has shown me that each and every year gets worse. Much worse. Everything is going to hell in a hurry. Everything and everybody. Every year by new year.

So, I decided that this time I would do something completely different for my New Years celebration.

Are you excited?

I'm gonna get in my car, drive down to the village liquor store, buy me one of those really big bottles of champagne, chill it up really good, and take it over to the beach.

Ya see, I live only a very short distance from the east coast of Florida, only a few blocks away from the Atlantic. In fact, I could walk it if... (well, maybe next year for that resolution).

So when I get over there, I'm gonna uncork that big ole' bottle and walk on down to the ocean's edge and I'm going to dump that entire bottle into the sea.

Every last drop!

Now, if this seems extremely stupid to you, then I'll offer up some explanations as to why a sane grown man would dump a $300 magnum of vintage champagne into the drink.

You see, there are fish in the oceans that have never had champagne before. In fact, have never even had a decent cocktail in their life. Not even a Cosmopolitan! In fact, many of them have never even tasted liquor - shocking as that may seem.

Can you believe it?

Now this is very, very sad. And we don't need no-mo sad things this year. We need more happy, funny things. And besides, every one knows that a white wine goes great with fish, right? And nothing could be more entertaining than a school of drunk dolphins, swimming upside down and sideways and slurring their words while trying to dance under water.

You ever seen a drunk crab? They walk straight! Nothing could be funnier. Think about it. And we do need more humor in this world, right?

Do you think I'm crazy?

Well, this all makes about as much sense to me, as me drinking that bottle and getting drunk once again - year after year. Really, it didn't do a damn bit of good last year, or the year before, or the year before that one, or.... well, you get it.

So why not try something totally different? Besides, everyone knows that only a dry red wine compliments an old, fat, rich, balding white guy in a big black Mercedes. Right?

So this one is on me, Mr. Charlie Tuna.

Enjoy! And I hope your 2013 is better than my 2012 was.

Happy New Year!

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
© 2012, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

(posted December 25, 2012...)

THE CATHOLIC CHUR$H

I don't make up this shit people.

Honest.

If you hired a professional screen writer from hollywood, you couldn't do better than this one.

The Vatican is the world's smallest country. Its 110 acres within Rome is the official home to the pope and the catholic church.

Poverty, not.

It seems that the vatican has a upscale mall within their holy city. And it seems that they have duty-free shoppes. And, it seems that those popes and bishops and cardinals and all the rest of those some 4,700 poor religious workers that are supposed to live a simple life, giving up their worldly possessions, living in poverty and turning their back on luxuries and such - - well - - let's just say that someone is lying!

Big time!

In fact, you couldn't do more upscale holiday shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills.

Really.

Just get a load of this:
How about a 65-inch Samsung 3D flat-screen television? You're in luck my friend! And have I got a deal for you. The Vatican Store has one on sale for $3,895.

Designer luggage your thing? The Vatican Store has a nice variety of Samsonite Cordoba Duos, a mere $295.

Or maybe a leather-bound travel trunk from Florence's "The Bridge" leatherworks, with its five beautiful plaid interior drawers, aged wood hangars and brass buckles. That one runs $7,995. And, it comes with matching leather golf club bags. Just what the pope ordered, or maybe your local bishop.

This place is a sprawling three-story tax-free department store that rivals any New York City or Beverly Hills Designer Mall.

It offers thousands of high-end bargains.

The list goes on and on and on...
Church's custom grade shoes: $750.
Baume et Mercier ladies watch: $2,000.
Men's Capeland: $8,900.
Gold Encrusted Gloves: $4,700.
Gordon's Gin $18.00.
Montecristo No. 3 Cuban cigars $110.00.
Men's Silk Tie: $675.
Tiffany Desk Lamp: $8,500.

I wonder what they pay for condoms?

There is a hitch however. This fabulous store isn't open to the public, only to Vatican peeps - and you gotta pray real hard just to get in and spend your gold roman coins.

Few people outside Rome even know that this store exists. There is no evidence of it on any vatican lit or their web site. No photos are permitted. No advertising is allowed outside the vatican walls. And those who do know about it seem to pretend it doesn't even exist.

Why?

Perhaps because these high end luxury items aren't necessarily in tune with either the sobriety or the salaries of the Vatican rank-and-file.

Oh, and I recently heard that shoppers at the store were treated to a fabulous Wine Tasting Table, within the shoppe. Those bottles go for $500 - $5,000.

Jesus!

And if you hurry on over to aisle number 69, down there toward the back, you can find a couple thousand Brooks Brothers Men's Shirts and Burberry Backpacks on sale.

Prices vary.

So have a Happy Holiday, you devout followers of the word. And keep sending in those Sunday Collection Plate Offerings.

We really needs your cash this year.

And Papa wants a new pair of shoes.

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
© 2012, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

(posted December 24, 2012...)

Just One More Shopping Day Left

Well, mom wants a new toaster. Dad wants golf clubs. My wife wants gift certificates for the mall and a dead bird removed from the gutter. The girls want cash, gift cards and $300 tennis shoes. The neighbors want me to buy some new trash cans. My son wants his job back. The dog doesn't care, anything is fine as long as she can eat it and poop it.

So, what do I want for christmas this year?

Glad you asked.

First of all, I don't want anything. What would please me more than anything would be for everyone to just leave me alone and let me rest.

I'm tired. Really, really tired.

With working my three jobs this year, trying to catch up on the bills and compensate for my oldest son getting laid off, it has been tough. And we are still behind with our mortgage payments. It's gonna take me three more years to get even, and that's with some luck.

We usually go see a movie on christmas day. But no extra cash for holiday movies this year. There's no time anyhow with my work hours. All I do is work, eat and sleep. And not enough of that last one.

And I beg you, please don't ask me again to travel half way across the state to share a cold ham dinner with an old aunt that I don't even remember. I don't even like ham.

And driving in a cold car for five hours isn't very Merry.

Oh, and this year, as we all gather around the tree to open our gifts, can we please just not fight and yell so much? Can't we all just get along? After all kids, we've known each other all our lives. We know what pisses each other off, right? Just try to be kind.

So, for the holidays this year, please just let me rest. Please. I am so terribly tired.

I just want my bed, some soft music, and maybe a hostess twinkee.

Yeah, I know.

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
© 2012, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

(posted December 23, 2012...)

POPE BENEDICK DENOUNCES GAY MARRIAGES DURING HOLIDAY MESSAGE - BLESSES ERECTIONS

- - the pope shown above blesses invisible holiday dick.

Pope Bendovermydick used his annual christmas message to denounce gay marriage, saying that it destroyed the “essence of the human creature.”

In one of his most important speeches of the year, the pope stressed that a person’s gender identity is not god given. The pope has also said that gay marriage is a threat to world peace.

However, 69% of catholics in america favor allowing Gay and Lesbian couples to marry, according to a poll released this year by the Pubic Religion Research Group.

And, 96% of all catholics world wide favor their church dissolving altogether, abandoning it for something greater, smarter and more inclusive than the current church. Unlike the vatican, most catholics abhor racism.

In a later message this afternoon, and after a couple of doubles, the pope also stated that he hoped one day, priests in his church could marry each other, so they could really get in there and tear down each others 'ole chocolate channels' without so much guilt or hiding it. He also stated that oral sex with alter boys would be much easier this way, and also that the bishops wouldn't feel so guilty about wearing women's dresses in public, which they enjoy a lot.

The amrican-mafia leader, born in Africa, raised in Hawaii, was not available for comment. He was attending a conference for the New Age Hitlerian Movement at the time.

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
Writer-Director

© 2012, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

(posted December 22, 2012...)

POPE GRANTS CHRISTMAS PARDON TO BUTLER WHO TOOK LEAK ON SECRET VATICAN PAPERS

"I forgive you for peeing on my desk young lad", the pope stated on Wednesday. "When freedom to be sexual becomes too poo poo, then it's time to just come on out and let everyone know that I - me, and my entire staff are all gay. In fact, we are nothing but just a bunch of old fag child sex abusers", the pope stated during a cocktail party at vatican city, as he swallowed a large sausage and sucked on a nearby cocktail.

Apparently, the vatican is really into water sports and such. "Pissing on things is a lot of fun here", Mr. Pope stated, as he snorted his holiday Cosmopolitan and picked at a chive between his front teeth. "We relish these acts, and we intend to continue doing this until the seven hills of Rome are destroyed, which according to prophecy, is any day now."

He also stated that, "Sex with altar boys here at vatican city is a lot of fun too, even more fun than doing kids at dinsey land! And, we don't really care about the laws of other countries, including american laws. Besides, what's a little head between friends? And, if we do get caught, we always just pay off the parents of these kids with lots and lots of money and then we forgive everyone. (lol) That's one thing we have plenty of here at the vatican, lot's and lot's of money!"

"We use threats of course. My church is very powerful, we have hit men, and use them as we want. And I learned all about that from the americans."

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
Writer-Director

© 2012, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

(posted December 21, 2012, thirteen b'aktun...)

The Next Voice Heard May Be Your Own

So, do you want to live in a society where the norm is a fear-based life, with war and poverty, killing and hatred, and exclusion? Or, do you want to live in one that is based on trust and tolerence, without war or poverty or killing or fear?

Seek out that place - seek out that good nation of people and join them in peace, and acceptence and tolerence, living without fear. Celebrate the arts and music and dance. Create beautiful things, and in turn, create beautiful minds.

Listen to that small voice deep within, for there you will always find the truth. Your heart will tell you what is good and what is right. Speak to the truth of your human heart.

Open your eyes and let yourself see the bright colours of the Universe. Open your mind and know the light of a billion stars. Open your heart and feel the music of the spheres.

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
Writer-Director

© 2012, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

(posted December 20, 2012...)

Men Standing At A Urinal

It's that moment when you don't look to your left - never to your right, and seldom even take a breath.

I've watched many guys standing there with pee pee in hand, holding their breath as if some toxic vapor was about to reach their delicate lungs. Almost frozen in time, as they ice up in some flash mob mall scene.

And then - in one great act - at a precise moment - as if by some great genetic male code - they all grab and shake their sausages violently, over and over, again and again. It's quite ritualistic. And funny. Almost barbaric. But not sexual.

Never that.

I've spent a lot of time in men's rest rooms. No, just had to go really bad. And the one thing that always amazes me, is the positioning of the pee-ers at the urinals.

There are rules.

Never stand directly next to another guy that's peeing if two urinals are open - not even if you know him well. Never take the center urinal if there are three open. If there are five open, you must always take number two or four, and only two or four. And most important, never, absolutely never talk whilst draining the engine. One word, even a slight grunt could bring this entire ritual to a screaming halt. And, of course, no eye contact.

Wars have started over less.

You women having trouble understanding all this? Well, it's kinda like an elevator, only with many more rules. When was the last time that you spoke to a complete stranger while going up 30 floors? Of course, you probably didn't have a dick in your hand at the time.

At least I hope not.

And if someone were to break protocol? I can only imagine man upon man, running out the door, hoses in hand, with looks of horror and disbelief, tripping over one another as they grope at their zippers, defying anyone to make eye contact with them. One could imagine more calm during a hot klan rally in alabama.

A member's only club.

I've heard that some men new to this experience that fuck up, have been totally barred from public rest rooms forever.

I wonder where they pee? Maybe elevators?

Women, on the other hand, use their rest room time as social networking sessions, where they discuss recipes, ask about the children, do their hair, paint on smiles and sing out loud. And all of this is quite relaxed and pleasant.

Oh, and they pee too.

And for the women in our audience tonight that doubt all of this - videos of man-pee are available on YT. You can verify all of this for yourself.

(pause for video search)

So remember guys - never to your right, nor to your left, only look down, but never directly at it - shaking not more than three times after the last full drip.

Four shakes are punishable by fine and imprisonment in 23 states.

And never, ever take a breath.

It's toxic.

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
Writer-Director

© 2012, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

(posted December 18, 2012...)

Gun Control? Only On One Condition...

The debate will no doubt rise once again on gun control. Every time we have another american christian take a couple dozen sheeple-peeps out with great fervor and pomp, our state-controlled news media calls upon our best politicians to 'speak for us', and tell us what we need to hear. In their opinion, of course.

And this gun fight is always between the Left and the Right, the Blue and the Red, the christians and the.....

I will grant you one thing, and that is that there are too many guns in america. There are too many guns in the world, but americans forget that point. And the gun problem isn't some rancher in Montana shooting a sheep-loving coyote in the dark of night. The problem isn't the average american in america. The problem is the political system and the politicians. That includes the american military and your local police.

I recently watched a state-controlled news broadcast of a funeral for some very tiny children that were killed by a gun. And after the lovely, sad funeral, the same state-controlled news broadcast then showed several politicians standing high on a hill, shouting "Stop the bastards, stop the bastards!" and yelling about how the problem was that there were too many guns in the hands of the average american.

That is a lie. Your politicians are once again attempting to take away your guns to gain more power and control over you. You have no intent of using a gun to kill anyone, and they do. Get it? Huh?

Now, let me make it quite clear that I am not a proponent for guns. In fact, I detest them and I detest all forms of violence. I do not support any fringe organizations such as Green-Piece or the NRA. Both orgs make me sick and dizzy. Every time I even see a rifle, I have this dark vision of Charleton Heston standing high on a hilltop, shouting with great anger "kill the bastards, kill the bastards". Lovely picture, huh? Happy Holidays. That one was propagated by hollywood.

The problem is that the dangerous guns are in the wrong hands, and I'm not talking some farmers, or hunters, or ranchers, or even drug lords. The bad guns are in the hands of the military and the police. The one percent. They have the power and this is wrong.

Ask your favorite friend or relative, or even a neighbor if they would like to go to war with another nation or sect. Ask them if they would like to make some really big, powerful guns and go over to some eastern countries and kill everyone and enslave them and take their assets. 100% of your friends and family and neighbors will all say a resounding "NO!" Yes, 100% of them. NO!

The american gun problem isn't with the average american, the problem is the 1% military mind set that propagates wars, violence and killing - all for the sake of complete control over you. Nothing more. And, it is the duty of the average american, to direct and educate your american leaders as to exactly what you want done and how they will act on your behalf. These 1% exist to serve you and to follow your orders as you direct them. That is how our political process works - or is supposed to work.

It is your duty to end and stop all gun use in your neighborhood, in your country and in the world. You have that power. You have great knowledge, and with great knowledge comes great power. You are Right, and they are Wrong. Violence is never Right. Guns are never Right. War is never Right. There is nothing Left to be said. This is not Left or Right, or Red or Blue, but simply Wrong.

So, in the spirit of the season, it is your duty this holiday to fire every politician in your country and demand that they immediately stop all war, end all aggression, stop the violence and turn in all of their guns to you - the average american.

You'll know what to do with them.

And, if they don't listen to you, just go 'Donald' on them - pull out your Colt 45, point it in their face and say "you're fired".

Or maybe you could just send them a lovely holiday card with their termination notice enclosed. I'm seeing a great big green 'Peace' on the front of the card with lots of Red and Blue thoughts. Sound good? Well, I'm glad we all agree on that!

Peace is the answer. Tolerance is the rule. Always.

Now go fire the bastards!

Oh, and Happy Holidays.

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
Writer-Director

© 2012, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

(posted December 18, 2012...)

The United (not very) Nations (not all)

In case you haven't noticed recently - thought I would just bring you all up to date - the united nations aren't very united these days - nor, do they include all the nations of earth - only the ones that wanna play ball with the capitalists in america. All the others are left to starve to death and die of thirst. And the term that I use - "play ball" should actually be "play war."

And we call ourselves civilized.

Bullshit!

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
Writer-Director

© 2012, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

(posted December 16, 2012...)

We Are All Children Of The Earth

At a time like this in america, we reflect on our children's lives. We have great hope for our youth. We care for them and we nurture as best we can, hoping that their futures are bright and filled with great dreams and success.

When life is snuffed out at such an early age, we ponder the 'what ifs' of life. We wonder what may have been, what great things might have been accomplished and what dreams could have been lived out with great triumph. And we think about our own lives - how they would have been different, if without time.

Any and all life is precious, upon that all people agree. But it is with strange differences, that we guide our youth - our children into futures determined by us - the parents in charge.

A great author once wrote that we must be 'oh so careful' what we teach our children and how we guide them into their own belief systems. For it is by these personal beliefs that they, our children and our children's children - will lead on and live on into the next 1,000 years.

If we lead and direct with love, tolerance and inclusion, then our children's futures are ensured. But if we shed a darkness of deceit, racism and exclusion onto their young minds, then we can be guaranteed more corruption, more greed, more war and hatred and a never ending denial and lack of acceptance of all peoples and all cultures forever.

We are all children of the earth. Each so very precious, each so important, and each so loved. Teach your children of tomorrow well - you parents of today. And remember that you must be 'oh so careful' what you teach your children - for children will listen. They trust you, and they learn.

Spend this time now with your kids, guiding them and teaching them how to better love, how to accept, and those all important tolerances in life.

We guide as we are guided. Peace and tolerance is the key. Forever. Love and acceptance is the answer. Always.

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
Writer-Director

© 2012, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

So, Are We Alone In The Universe?

The idea that there are beings on other worlds or in other dimensions is just plain silly. After three evil world wars, millions of children starved to death, corrupt political leaders in every nation, poverty existing everywhere beyond belief and a host of other horrid-evil-capitalist acts engulfing our every thought, it should now be apparent to anyone with half a brain that we are - we must truly be alone in the universe.

If there were gods or angels or saviors, would they not have saved us, given us food and water, saved those poor kids from starving, saved all those women from getting beaten and raped, not allowed tiny children to die horribly from cancers? If there were space aliens with great knowledge and gifts, wouldn't they have shared all those gifts and salvations with us poor earthlings?

Of course they would have. Share and share alike, right? And if there was a truly benevolent government with kind political leaders, wouldn't they have kept us all from suffering so much through these some 1,000 planet-wide wars over the last 10,000 years?

Of course they would have. So, the next time that some one tells you that they are waiting for December 21, 2012 for the good Mayan space alien-gods to come down and save us all, or for president O'Bimbo Hussein-Hawaii to feed them and give them their NDAA rights back, or for the pope to stop pooping on their lives, or even for Cher to go back on tour - just smile and nod your head.... knowing, that no matter what those idiots believe, no matter how much Rash Limburgh yells and screams that the Dems are bad and the Reps are good, no matter how many final and absolute Streizand concerts are the absolute last of the last that she will ever ever sing again - - well, I think you get the picture.

So the Mayan cal ends next week. And the world will end and the gods will all arrive. Trouble be gone. Mankind will evolve and trans to a higher vibration (batteries not included). Are you excited? You wet?

And with this blessed event - well, we all know exactly what this means, right? No more taxes, no more starvation for kids, no more rape and sex abuse, no more crime and fear-porn, no more corrupt politicians, no more oppression, no more sickness and suffering, no more cancers, no more racists, no more evil priests to fuck our children, no more forced religion and hatred, no more no more no more.

Fantasy is fun, yes?

Now ask yourself - are we alone in the Universe? Think twice, then click your heels together three times, and say - "Yes, yes, yes, without question."

Then go to your magic mirror and look into it and tell yourself - it is up to me, to affect change in the world, me and only me and no one else. Just me. There will be no savior riding over the rainbow with all the answers in a basket. No gods. No angels. No grays. No such wizard in a balloon exists anywhere. Not in any Universe.

Okay, this article is over and done.
The End.

Well, what the hell are you waiting for now?

December 22?

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
Writer-Director

© 2012, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

› You don't have to agree with everything that I say. Just listen and think about it. That's the whole point to conversation.

› Do The Math. 2x0 is still Zero. If there is nothing inside you, then finding someone else as a partner, still gives you nothing but emptiness. You must stand alone as one - strong enough to face life's climb, yet vulnerable enough to let another share the journey. You must find this place. Only then, can 'one plus one' really equal two.

› Age? Inside I feel like a child. Outside I look like an old man. Somewhere in between lies the truth I guess.

› The USGS has determined that the epicenter of the Virginia earthquake was in a small graveyard just outside of DC. The cause appears to be all of our founding fathers rolling over in their graves. All at one time...

› The most powerful, most commanding element to most americans' lives, is the mute button on the remote control. It's the one time we can tell someone to shut up and not get in trouble for it.

› You like your family? My mother can't cook. She been trying for 70 years now - and it's just not gonna work! But she keeps trying. Last night she fixed dinner for us again. It was a casserole made of corn flakes, hamburger and tuna helper. People were feeding it to the dog under the table. It was sad to see that poor old dog suffer through the night. He's at the vet now. Then after dinner there was an extra surprise! She proceeded to fix and serve something called 'prune surprise' which had everyone shitting their pants for the rest of the night. Even the dog wouldn't eat that one.

› So, do you want to live in a society where the norm is fear-based, with war and poverty, killing and hatred, and exclusion? Or, do you want to live in one that is based on trust and tolerence, without war or poverty or killing or fear? Seek out that place - seek out that good nation of people and join them in peace, and acceptence and tolerence, living without fear. Celebrate the arts and music and dance. Create beautiful things, and in turn, create beautiful minds.

› When I'm alone and feeling lost in the Universe, I go outside and look up at the moon. It's all alone too. Sometimes it smiles back at me.

› Time is meaningless. The Universe and the Miltiverse are 'all time in one'. Never beginning, never ending. So, in laymen's terms, it's impossible for you to be late for that appointment. Get it?

› My advice to young people today is to simply - take chances.

› Ever heard the expression "I'm on the fence"? Fences don't exist. There is no such thing. Either you're on one side or the other. It has always pissed me off when people tell me that they can't decide what their views are on a subject - that they are caught up in indecisiveness and uncertainty. Are they really that out of touch and blinded by choices? Everyone has an opinion. There is always one side of an argument that you lean toward. There is always one thing you prefer, right or wrong. Choose a side, take a stand, find a path, make a decision after careful intelligent thought. Be decisive and allow the realization of what you really want in life - what your dreams really are. Have an opinion. Decide now. Be who and what you really want. Allow yourself choices. Get off the fence.

› When I was ten years old, I was curious. At 20, I was invincible. At 30, I was successful. At 40, I never thought I'd reach 50. And now as I approach 60, I feel very, very wise. I wonder what 90 will bring?

› I heard recently that america's national debt is more than 24 trillion dollars. Wow! And I thought that my american Express bill was bad..... Somehow, all of that shopping that I did on my last trip to Paris, seems justified. At least I am able to pay my bill off each month. Few people or governments can say that any more. See anything wrong with this picture? If so, take action. Take a stand and do something about it. Act.

› Gold is up.
Stocks are down.
Consumer confidence is at a 35 year low.
Europe is failing financially - yes, the entire continent.

John McCain went on international television this morning and stated that Russia and China(the world's brightest economy) were next to greet the Arab Spring Movement. He cries out from atop his gray podium chanting death to oppressed people of the world, as he waived his severly soiled american flag in defience of liberty. Onlookers from other nations shook their heads and raised their arms against his dark words.

So, where will the Arab Spring strike next?

Less than 30% of american's have confidence in their government. Less than 20% approve of the leadership of america's government. And, less than 10% believe that america is on the proper path for justice, freedom and the proper future.

The american economy has failed.
The american confidence has failed.
The american people no longer trust their government.
How many days are left before the Arab Spring finally hits the usa?
And where, will our inept elected leaders go to hide?

Perhaps Lybia?

J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director

› We can create unusual and magnificent things with only our minds, so much in fact, that our entire future and all dreams may come from nothing but within.

› The three 'R's' that became the evil of all things great and small on earth - Religion, Realestate, and..... can you guess the third one? Racism.

› Libation. What a beautiful word. It conjures up visions of frosty cold tankards of ale and grog - spirits unlike anything else known to civilized mankind.

› Someday folks will travel through time on a big blue planet soaring through the Milky Way Galaxy, and they will develop into incredible life forms, and these creatures will live exciting lives and they will...... oh wait, I guess that's us.

› Why are you here? What is the purpose for your life? If you weren't here, would the world be a different place? If you could go back, and try again, would you want to? What would you do differently?

› Of all the places I have traveled to in my life, the one place that beckons me back again and again, is New York City. It is the most exciting place on earth.

› Folks don't wear wrist watches any more. We all have cell phones now that tell us the time. And we carry them in our hand. What could possibly be more inconvenient? At least that watch wrapped nicely around your wrist...

› I believe that the greater the risk, the greater the chance for success. Never back down. Just be yourself, and everything will eventually come out.

› We live in a fear-based society in America. We fear everything we don't understand, and we fear what our parents and the government tell us to fear - right or wrong. Your challenge in life is to sort out all of the bullshit, and think for yourself - right or wrong. What are you most afraid of... the truth perhaps?

› Intimacy! I am intimate with our Planet and our Universe. We have been together for a very long time. Intimacy is all around us it would seem.

› I crossed the finish line late in life. And when it finally did happen, I was unprepared, just as if I had only been a child. Helpless, surprised, frightened and a little pissed. And I did something that I never dreamed that I would do at that line - I cried. Like a baby.

› The United Nations: Doesn't include all the nations, and they don't unite very often. Does anyone here have a better idea?

› Okay - so here's a question for you. There are now seven billion people on our Planet. Now tell me where you are in that number? I'm number 13 million, three hundred forty-two thousand, one hundred eighty-five. Are you impressed?

› The one thing that parents should -'MUST' teach their children is the concept that: "Anything Is Possible". Give children hope for a limitless future, full of dreams and aspirations. Allow them to climb the tallest mountains and leave the rest of the Universe behind.

› The unknown is always a threat. Why can't the unknown be a venture into a dream of great experiences to come?

› Ever watch a child play with a toy? They are totally absorbed in it, oblivious to the Universe. Work should be like that.

› Sometimes I just get fed up with all of that Florida Sunshine and I get me a plane ticket, fly into Seattle, check into a nice hotel and enjoy all of those clouds. Dreary-cloudy days bring back fond memories that set my creative spirit into its highest mode.

› I turned on the TV yesterday and there was a young man on the evening news chanting "Death to america, death to america." Apparently he had lost his job at an applesauce factory and he was pissed.

› Man's best chance for survival is giving up the need for real estate. Singly, land ownership has caused more wars, more fighting and more problems around the world than anything else. Location, location, location.

›I am into things like laughing til I can't breath, pissing on the moon, jumping up and down on a bed, tickling small dogs til they cry, flying without a plane, and releasing balloons at midnight.

› They say that our Internet attention span now is about six seconds. And, in the time that it took you to read this, you've probably already lost interest, you're thinking about something else now, and you've moved on. And what I was going to say to you was so terribly important too......

› Everybody bitches about their life. Never happy - always wanting more. Me? Well, I drink vintage Champagnes, I eat delicious foods, I am loved by my friends and family, I have beautiful dreams, I sit on a beach and write stories, I travel the world and direct great actors and receive standing ovations. And yet - I want more...

› Directing is total escape. To me it's like a Vacation from the rest of the World. Every day I go to exotic places and meet new characters and taste new things for the very first time.

› It always amazes me how strange sex is according to folks on the Internet. They say that sometimes it gets so terribly loud and almost violent that it scares them. And then, there are the orgasms, which can last for hours and hours on end. Not to mention the foreplay, which normally takes from two to five hours. And then there's the massage, and after-sex clean up session and the shower together, which can be relaxing for an hour or two... followed by a nice joint nap. When do these people have time to eat or work or sleep?

› 2012. If the end is near, most people it would seem are unaware of it, nor are they doing anything to prepare for it, nor is our government keeping us informed. I guess that maybe a few chosen, will survive somehow, it would all seem to be a game of chance - where you are when it happens, logistically, dictates where you will go and what will become of you.

› So let's say that the world is going to end, like the Mayans predict...

› My actors ask what they can do to impress me. To them I say, "exceed my expectations".

› - - ...and as I grow older I realize that the past is just the past, and my future is now most tenuous. And I am not the man I used to be, nor do I have the dreams of my youth I once had. And as time runs short, and as I age and fall, I can't help but ponder what might have been, and what did not come. And I lay here in my history and relish on those meek treasures in my life, and angst and doubt run over my mind, and I am once again faced with what might have been - not what was to be. So in these glory days of my life, I question you, and I question me. And I wonder what might have been for us - and I dream that I've done the right thing.
(dialogue from the play "Not Without a Promise", written by J. Rob Brown)

› We all fight gravity for all our lives. Give in to the force, and just fall. It feels good.

› Come. Escape with me, to a place beyond our dreams.

› The best thing that you can achieve in your short life, is the one thing that we fight not to achieve all of our lives. And that is, to let down the walls - to open up completely, and reveal to ourselves and to others 'who and what' we really are inside.

› I find it fascinating that as humans we are supposed to grow and learn as much as we can in our lives. Never stop trying, striving, learning - right? And yet, as an adult I have learned that in fact, if you learn too much, if you have too much knowledge, that it can become your undoing. 'Select knowledge' is allowed by our government in our society today, but it is very important not to learn too much, to become too smart, to go beyond what others around you are learning, to discover secrets, to tread on 'the powers that be', for they will strike out and take you down as quickly as you can say 'black box'. And if you do find yourself with knowledge in hand that is not allowed by 'the powers that be', whatever you do, keep it to yourself. Keep it all inside. And hide. I have seen people ruined - taken away, simply by knowing too much. Didn't they make a movie about something like this a few years back...... ?

› Never assume. Things are never exactly what they seem to be. There are always things left to ponder, items left unmentioned and secrets yet to define. Every situation is complex.

› And did you know that in China they eat bugs and insects? I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw little children fighting over who got the crispy toasted roaches and the crunchiest worms.

› A physicist friend of mine recently told me that you can make a homemade bomb, simply by using products found in your home kitchen cabinet. So, I got me a great big bowl and I threw in a brillo pad, some wet ones, a yellow sponge, two bottles of 'Lysol', a bottle of 'Minwax', some bleach, and two quarts of 'Janitor in a Drum'. The result? I have now come up with a product that can peel the enamel off your teeth in six seconds flat. There is no point to this story. Just don't trust every smart kid that you run into.

› Bring it down. Make it simple. First you must know yourself to understand others. Second, you must put yourself in others shoes. And finally, you must reach out to fill the void.

› When something appears to be a trap, it generally is a trap. The only way to really tell if it is or not, is to push your XK-Y53 button, and twist it twice. If the cork pops out, it's a trap!

› People used to carry brief cases with them to keep their papers and their work in, They would carry them from home to office, and from office to home every day. They came in various shades and textures of beautifully hand-crafted leather and they were quite prestigious. Today we have smart phones and we hide them in our pockets.

› Nothing happens by chance. There is not such a thing as luck. You create your own future by each and every action. Every tiny move, each micro decision you make sets a specific path which you will follow. Therein, lies your destiny - set by you.

› The day is practically over. What have you done today to show the world that you're alive? Use these final hours to make great things happen.

› Tears are salty. I know.

› New York is all about dreams. If you can dream it, you'll find it in that city.

› I think. A lot. I'm not the type to sit in front of a TV set, and spend hour upon hour with eyes wide like a zombie face (I love that look of wide eyes and that vegetative state, it's funny). I find that the more time I spend thinking, the more questions that I have, not answers. Wise men tell us that to grow old and wise is not the ultimate, but we must learn how to question ourselves, learn how to process possibilities, and direct others. And, the more that I think about this, the clearer that life seems to become. I have thought ideas through and through only to find, that the more open minded I am as a human, the more receptive I become to learn and grow and grasp more as a being. Life isn't easy. Life is hard. And it is our task in life to work as hard as we can to grasp and grow. If you're not growing right now as a human, you are not really alive. Don't waste your one chance. Turn off the TV. Live.

› Religion is a curiosity that most people, unfortunately, should not partake in.

› Airports are the most amazing places to watch people. I was at LAX the other day waiting for my flight and had about an hour to just sit and watch hundreds and hundreds of people come and go. Of about three thousand people that passed by, (many of them looked directly at me) only two really stood out to a point where I would have liked to have stopped them and talked to them. So, in my head, I rejected 2,998 people in a single hour, and choose only two as possible companions of thought. Fascinating how our brains work. The question is "Why?"

› It's difficult to understand what we are supposed to understand today. All around us is disinformation, alternative realities, parallel universe, secondary thought patterns, and multiple dimensions. Sometimes when I try to comprehend my life, I cry.

› Dreams: Where do your dreams come from? From the influence of others, or from deep inside you? Dream your own dreams, don't live out others.

› Oh, and just a note to all of you heterosexuals out there.... STOP THE BREEDING!!!!!!! We have enough!

› The greatest challenge I think is to find that one love in your life that makes it all worth while, even in the darkest of times.

› If you disagree with someone, the first thing you should do is take their side. Only then, can you really understand both positions and make an intelligent decision.

› Deep down we all feel a need to connect with someone, something, the Universe. And when we finally do connect, it is a feeling like none other. It's worth the work and the wait.

› You looking for a good field to get into in the coming years? I might suggest "The Psychic Arts". A ground floor opportunity. You ask, how do I know this..... ?

› The moment you are born, the countdown clock begins. And you have so many years to live out your life. And you start out slow and you are encumbered by your size and your age and your knowledge. But after the age of about ten or so - you can do just about anything you choose to do. Imagine having a count-down clock on your chest that everyone can see. And you could see how much time they had left to live. What anxiety! I know it's cliche, but it's true - "live every day like it's your last".

› Religion is the root of all evil.

› And to this day, Hollywood continues to be the most powerful influence in the World. Hollywood controls our lives.

› Ethics: I have ethics and I have morals. And firm standards and a strong sense of propriety. And, I have less in some ways than I could have, based on those principles. I have denied friendships with people that I really didn't like or approve of. I have turned down job opportunities because of my principles. I have stood my ground politically when it cost me in the end. And, I have become somewhat less financially successful because of some of my decisions. I live a life style that is ethical, honest, real and fair. And I am a better man for that.

› Think of the World as one big orchestra - every person is an instrument. Now, let's make some beautiful music.

› When you think about it, life really is quite simple. You get up in the morning, you dress, you eat and you work. And at the end of the day, you come home, you eat, and you rest. Nothing more.

› I have met thousands of people in my lifetime. Tens of Thousands. But only two have truly humbled me. Clinton and Streisand.

› The secret to success? Exceed everyone's expectation. Even your own.

› Okay - so then let's assume that you really can travel through time. And, we've gone back thirty years, and you meet yourself. What happens if you get into a fight? Who wins? You or you?

› Last night left me with a question that I can't answer, and that is "What was it that I saw in the night sky?" I was in my Malibu back yard with dinner guests last night having aperitifs by the pool. My place in on the coast, overlooking the Pacific, high on a bluff and I have an awesome view of the Pacific and the sunsets. To our far west there was a small light in the evening sky and the sun had just gone down. The light came closer and closer toward us and as it did, it seemed to glow from red to white to blue very quickly. It was just close enough that I could make out the shape. It looked like a large black triangle. And when it was just about overhead, it vanished. No noise, no trail, no warning. Just gone. Very strange indeed. Miracle on Zumirez Drive?

› The word 'Great', is the most misunderstood word in English - it can be good or bad, huge or slight, sarcastic or sincere... - You did great. There was a great flood. It was a great night - everybody got drunk. The great accomplishment in Hitler's eyes was to eliminate all those Jews and Gays. The great wall of China kept people in, and out. His love was so great that it healed her soul. Great is the mask of deception. Great, now kick me with your other foot while I'm down.

› When you get to be my age, you realize that "time slips away" and you are frightened. You are scared. Inside you feel 'so' young - but on the outside - you are so old. Time slips away. And you reflect - upon your life, your memories, and most importantly... love. Use this time well. Live. [Grandma Dove, Final scene, "Not Without A Promise", J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director]

› Most aired documentaries today are created fiction and opinion, however, 96% of the people believe them as the truth.

› I have no idea if the world is going to end on 12-21-2012 or not. The Mayans and many other societies have predicted it will - many of them long, long ago. It will certainly be interesting to see how it all plays out. Some embarrassed faces no doubt, and some folks running around saying "I told you so, I told you so... ". Of course, if it does end, then I guess no one will be saying much of anything, will they?

› This thing called life - - it's amazing. You are born, you grow and learn, and then you die. And all for what? A few bits of pleasure here and there?

› I fear that one day, we will wake up to find that we have lost our individuality as humans. That we no longer matter as single entities, and that someone or something at the top is governing our lives.

› And at the end of the day, if you're not really tired, you haven't truly worked. If you haven't cried, you haven't felt real emotion. And, if you haven't laughed, you haven't really lived.

› I find it interesting that all of us have at least one teacher in our lives that has had great impact on us - has changed us in some fashion. And now that I'm in my elder years, I'd like to think that I've given new life to some of my students as well. Legacy.

› Just 100 years ago, there were no lights, no telephones, no television, no radios, no computers, no airplanes, no internet, no spaceships or satellites, no shopping malls, no cars and no highways. There were just lots and lots of horses - and lots of horse shit. And 100 years later - today, we live with lots of bullshit. Nothing really changes.

› So many people are so afraid of dying, I'm not! It's inevitable that we're all going to kick the bucket. Why fear your future? I'm more afraid of my past coming back to haunt me!

› Sometimes when actors ask me how to play a role, I stand up and leave the room, returning moments later. Most often they've thought it through, they stand, and deliver.

› For more than 50 years, I've given open and freely of my time, my love and my talents to the world. And I am touching young lives and making a real difference. My evil plan is working! So what could be next - World Peace?

› The most magical number is the number 360. Our world is a circle. So is our solar system - and the sun, and a hug and a clock. And now, they even say that the Universe is a circle. Turn and look around you. Everything is a circle - nothing ends.

› I insist that my students in my acting classes spend an hour in front of a mirror each day. It is total discovery. Every day, the reflection is completely different.

› Trust and Honesty: Who can you really trust but yourself, really? We honestly can't trust others, since they don't have our own personal interests at heart - no matter how great the love. But can we even honestly trust ourselves, unless we are completely truthful inside? If 'you' don't base your life on truth... then 'you' can't even trust 'you'.

› Of all the things that I've experienced in my life - it was the love of a dog that brought me to my knees.

› The most disturbing element of life that I have encountered is fear. With fear, you have nothing. Without fear you have infinity.

Take the greatest, biggest number that you can think of, and divide it by Zero. What's the answer? Zero. My point? Make sure that each and every action you take has meaning.

› I have traveled through time, back and forth, time and time again, only to discover that everything is fixed and we can't change it. No matter how hard you try, or what you do - you cannot alter the future or the past.

› I walked down to the beach yesterday evening and there were dozens of people there watching the sunset. It was beautiful. One women, very old, was crying. She looked over at me and smiled. I never got around to watching the sunset.

› Climb out of your box and breath. There is a wealth of opportunities in the Universe - you must leave your box to discover it all.

› I just returned from KuBaru, in Micronesia. The twelve days that I spent there were absolutely captavating beyound belief. This very remote and yet undiscovered lush, tropical paradice offers nothing but pristene-virgin beaches, relaxation, flora and fauna. The quiet in the hills gives one a moment to ponder as you listen to your heart beat - a quiet that I haven't experienced since a visit to New Mexico some years back. Hard to find and hard to leave, I recommend this location destination to anyone with the means to get there.

› I met a young man the other day that had never seen a falling star, had never been out past midnight, had never been held, never been kissed, nor tasted Champagne. So, I drove him out into the night, threw him on his back, wrapped my arms around him, forced him to watch the sky, kissed him head to toe, and pumped him full of Dom. He's sitting in my car right now, waiting to go again. Take chances.

› I entertain a lot. Ya know, fix a nice dinner for friends and such. And when I do, it generally takes me a day or two to plan it all out and prep all of the food and the beverages and flowers and such. It's fun! Calculated bliss. I do so enjoy the shopping, the planning, the execution - and then the oral orgasm of my guests. It's fascinating how different ingredients can come together to create a magnificent symphony of tastes and textures on the palate. It's a joy. I'm writing a cookbook right now. It's a collection of favorite plates served to my guests over the years - their favorites, not mine.

› The single thing that most actors forget to do, is to simply breath. With each new breath comes new life.

› Like a tiny ant, alone on an ant hill, on the side of a mountain, in a city of a valley, in a vast forest in a province, in a country on a continent, on a planet called earth - so are we, as humans in our Universe.

› I met a most disagreeable man the other day. He was inept, rude, ill-informed, opinionated, prejudiced, ill-mannered, interruptive, vicious, crass, argumentative, confrontational, belligerent, quarrelsome, loud-mouthed, cantankerous, mean beyond nasty, unpleasant and downright despicable! Everyone else in the room was excited to meet the President and gave him high marks. So my question is.... "how can seemingly similar people see things so terribly different in a given situation and co-exist together?" What is it exactly that we all have in common?

› Don't preach at me. We can talk if you'd like - but don't preach at me. I know where the church is.

› I, John Robert Brown, being of no fixed abode....
Sounds lovely but it's just a fancy way of saying that you're homeless.

› I've been listening to a lot of "Talk-Radio" recently. And, I have noticed that one thing is quite clear in these broadcasts. A lot of people get really worked up over a lot of tiny, little, insignificant issues! Like - world peace, hunger, global warming, poverty, crime, health, disease, war, death... these people need to just give it up and sit down and chill with a cold beer and watch some good old-fashioned reality television. Don't think so damn much! That's what we elect our politicians to do for us, right?

› There are 58,000 elevators in NYC. And some people still don't think that that city has it's ups and downs.

› In my mind's eye, all the world is in black and white and all the problems of the 21st century are far removed from my daily reality. Mine is a beautiful world and a warm, luscious life, where colours are muted in my memory as a semi-foggy state. My yesterdays are always gray and melancholy, with just the right number of clouds in the sky - everything in black and white.

› Next time that you're late for an appointment, simply tell them that 'time' is fourth dimensional and is an illusion, therefore - you can't see it - thus, in your reality, this doesn't exist, because we all obviously live in the third dimension. If they are intelligent enough to understand what you've just said, they'll let you off the hook. Just make sure you're on time - next time.

› Definition of "Intimate Gravity". When two converging individuals are drawn together; towards one another uncontrollably, through an outside force of unknown origin, perhaps love.

› One of the scariest thoughts for most people I think, would be that we - as humans, are not at the top of the food chain. I have several scientist friends that state there is a direct posibility that we (humans) are here on earth, being bread as part of a massive breeding programme for an outside (earth) entity. This in itself, is frieghtening enough, but the more posing question I believe would be to ask ourselves "Can we out smart or out think these creatures/beings and win out over them?" The answer to that question lies within our future - which of course, no one knows.... And if we cannot over come a future of ending up in a saute pan with butter and shallots - well - then, here's to a lovely meal! I just love white meat. Pass the Canadians please.

› Korrattapattatu in southern Indonesia is one of my favorite spots in the world. It is about 500 years behind the rest of the civilized world. There is no crime, no war, no poverty and no organized religion. It's like heaven.

› So, she got up out of her chair and began to speak. Loudly. "And the world will end in 2012, and we will kill each other in a nuclear war, and the sun is going to explode, all the volcanoes on the planet will erupt and kill everyone, and all the computers of the world will become self aware and exterminate the humans and.... and..." So, it was at about that time that I began to really look closely at her - and what it was, was a guy dressed up as an old women. I have photos of her (him) on my iPhone. We still can't figure it all out to this day, but she did vanish right before our eyes.

› How can something be so pesky and bothersome as a mosquito? Something so small and insignificant... It's almost like a republican standing outside your voting booth, as you vote for items such as 'world peace', 'good will', and 'feeding the planet'. You want to slap it dead, but you don't want the blood on your hands.

› Eeriness: Have you ever walked into a room and felt a strange eeriness? And, have you wondered if it was the past, the present, or the future that you were feeling?

› Sex. We all hide in our homes and have sex, right? Can you think of anything else that you do with such secrecy?

› We can make our dreams come true, simply through desire and passion. Desire and passion can create anything you want in life. Any passion - every desire.

› There is no such thing as empty. Everyone has something inside. It is your responsibility as an actor to find that and let it surface.

› If we couldn't laugh, we would die. Life shouldn't be that serious - even in the face of hardship and dimly lit lives, you can still find humor. Laugh, smile, grin, tickle, giggle. Make light of life.

› You ask about my life? Magical Moments. Vivid Dreams. Escapades. Evenings of Value. Complex Conversations. Extreme Passion.

J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director

Jargon:

Phenom vs Phail

I have hope for this country!

And, I consider myself a loyal participant in our way of life here. And, I try to be supportive of those less fortunate, and give when I can, and help as I may. And I have been trying to do this for 60 years now.

I'm not proud of that, it's just a way of life here in america, right? We share. We Help others. We support ourselves and carry our own weight. We don't ask for hand outs. And, we have good values and morals, right?

But, something must change, and soon. Our entire future is at stake right now. And financially we are not doing well. We are failing as a nation. And we are at severe risk of losing all that we have. Everything.

And I dream. I dream of an event - something so fantastic - so powerful - so devastatingly good, that it would shake lady liberty right off her feminine foundation - as she runs for her life - tossing both torch and book into the air........

Change must happen. Soon. We are failing as a nation. Can you see that?

J. Rob Brown,
Writer-Director

© 2011, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

I Wonder What Puppy Dogs Dream About?

The other day my friends little white doggie was dreaming. She was laying on a chair on that warm summer day, and she was fast asleep. Her little paws were moving as if she were running, her eyes were darting about and she gave little whimpers here and there as if crying out trying to warn her master about something so terribly important.

So, little dogs can dream. It has been proven.

And humans dream too. Often.

And it is through our very dreams that we are able to see a brighter future and have greater hope for our family. We envision opportunities and gaze upon horizons. We foresee things beyond our grasp and knowledge in every dream.

And sometimes, we even run, we blink our eyes and we whimper.

Not all that different from a little doggie.

J. Rob Brown,
Writer-Director

© 2011, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

It Gets Hot in Hune and Huly

I still have a place in Florida - not sure if I'll keep it or not, as time goes by. But for now, it's a place to dock the boat. Some days the temps range into the 90's and 100's in Florida, with a humidity of 100%. It is beyond muggy. Adding in the heat and the humidity and the asphalt and all - it feels like 110 on occasions.
(read more..)

They Just Keep on Laying - and Getting Laid

My friend has chickens at her house. Running all around and pooping every where (she says it's good for the garden). Ya gotta be careful not to step in the chicken shit when you're in her yard. And it smells too. Not pleasant. Kind of like a rest stop-rest room on a still warm day with little breeze.

At her last barbeque, everyone commented about the unusual fragrance coming from her lovely garden. Little did they know they were breathing in chicken shit.

But, chickens are good, right? And they lay copious amounts of eggs. And we eat them. And, they eat worms, which I guess is good too. Who wants worms in their yard, right?

Now, as everyone knows, chickens can't fly. You did know that, right? But they can peck at you and attack you and poke your eyes out with their sharp beaks. Always wear your helmut when visiting a friend's barbeque yard.

Living is learning - after being poked, shit on and pecked at, all the while tromping through mounds of chicken shit.

It's just like D.C.

Oh, did they finally pass that chicken shit budget?

J. Rob Brown,
Writer-Director

© 2011, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

You Think You've Got It Hard Now?

I think. A lot.

I'm not the type to sit in front of a TV set, and spend hour upon hour with eyes wide like a zombie face (I love that look of wide eyes and that vegetative state, it's funny).

I find that the more time I spend thinking, the more questions that I have, not answers.

Wise men tell us that to grow old and wise is not the ultimate, but we must learn how to question ourselves, learn how to process possibilities, and direct others.

And, the more that I think about this, the clearer that life seems to become. I have thought ideas through and through only to find, that the more open minded I am as a human, the more receptive I become to learn and grow and grasp more as a being.

Life isn't easy. Life is hard.

And it is your task in life to work as hard as you can to grasp and grow. If you're not growing right now as a human, you are not really alive.

Don't waste your one chance. Be alive. Turn off the TV.

Live.

J. Rob Brown,
Writer-Director

© 2011, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

The Red, The White and You
The world is in one hell of a shape right now. I've never, in all my life seen anything like what's happening to us. We have tornadoes, tsunami waves, volcanoes, global warming, floods, droughts, wars, famines, flesh eating bacteria, disease, mental illness, starvation, assassinations, civil wars, fish and bird deaths, inflation, exploding oil rigs, crime, corruption, Armageddon, UFO's, MRI's, STD's, Fox News, and a black president.

Now for me, any 'one single thing' might be tolerable and operable, but with the sky falling daily and my vantage point rapidly crumbling, I simply cannot deal with this planet called earth any longer. Something must be done.

Now, I'm not saying that it's going to be easy to fix this mess, but don't we have to try? After all, ya gotta have hope to continue on living and working each day, right?

So, I have decided to take on all of these woes myself, and return our planet to its original pristine shape, like it was when I was born - clean, safe and understandable.

And, I have , as of today, implemented my own Ten Step Plan as a sure-fire fix. The steps are listed below, and I would encourage each and every one of you to make a copy of this list and pass it along to your friends and loved ones, in order to help us out of this terrible jam.

Here are my Ten Steps:

1. First, return George Washington to the office of President. It has recently been discovered that George was a gay boy. This way we could eliminate all of the vice and prejudice surrounding the gays, and, they can have all those equal rights that they want so bad. And, this might make all of them whities happy that don't like us having an African-born/Hawaiian-raised, black man in charge.

2. Second, I would burn all of the cars in the world, This way we won't need any more oil or factories. Everyone can walk, it's healthier too. This would not only make the air cleaner, but save us all a shit load of money with the gas savings - and, eliminate all of those Arab oil tribal wars and such.

3. Thirdly, I would decree immediately to unplug that HAARP machine that's fucking up our weather. No more tornadoes, no tidal waves and no more hurricanes. Sunny days ahead!

4, Fourth, I would like to open up all of the Project Blue Book files and disclose to the world everything that we know about aliens and spaceships. And, perhaps if we listen carefully to those little gray men, we might learn how to fix a couple of other things that have been puzzling us.

5. Fifth, We gotta stop those STD's. I would ask everyone to voluntarily sterilize themselves. No more breeding, no more sex, and no more population control issues, as well as no more Syphilis - and, plenty of food and water to go around.

6. Sixth, let's all just stop worrying about hell and the end of the world, and just try to enjoy the present - after all, today is today, and tomorrow is..... whatever. So, I say close the churches. Shut 'em all down. We can use the buildings for day care for kids.

7. Seventh, there should be more vacation time for all employees. (this has nothing to do with our problems, I just thought it would be a really cool thing to do for everyone).

8. Number eight, take away all the guns and weapons. We could set up collection bins around town, and ask everyone to turn in their pistols, ammo, nukes and such. No more killings and no more wars. Nice thought, huh? Can you imagine living in world without fear? Isn't that how life is supposed to be?

9. Number nine, take all of those politicians, and give them a polygraph test at the end of every work week. This would keep them honest, and we, the taxpayers, would in turn get a better, more fair government. You might even feel good about paying some taxes too...

10. And finally, number ten, simply eliminate Hollywood, television and its programming. This way, there would be no violence on TV to influence our children, no more bad talent shows or vial-mean chefs, and no more commercials telling us to buy things that we really don't need or want. Yeah!

So, as you can see, it's really quite simple to fix planet earth and solve all of its problems. All it takes are a few simply rules, a little sacrifice from each citizen, and some Spandex.

And, in the end, aren't we all going to be better off and feel better as human beings? Happy? Free? Safe? And you thought this was going to be hard, didn't you?

And remember this, "The life you save today may, at some point in the future, be your own pitiful projection of your reincarnated soul from another dimension or multi verse in another galaxy of an alternate vibration from a precious life force".

A thought for the day is always a good way to close when you're writing propaganda.

J. Rob Brown,
Writer-Director

© 2011, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

Estelle looked at Buffy and exclaimed "Don't you dare touch that necklace", as she grasped at her precious pearls. "I had to lay on my back for these".

No Truth In Advertising - Or In Anything!

The other day I was thinking about words, and their meanings. Some words are exact and easy to understand and explain. Others, however are not.

For instance, take my Chinese dinner that I ate last night. As I was putting duck sauce on my egg roll, I suddenly realized that there was no "duck" in my 'sauce' - it was simply sauce. Totally duckless. So, why do they call it 'duck sauce" then? Why not call it "just sauce"? Oh, and I searched 45 minutes looking for an egg.

And I opened a can of Swans Chicken stock recently only to realize that there was no chicken in it - just broth. I checked the label carefully and zero chicken. Yep, no swans either.

Now last week, my family was eating some nuts. They were delicious. The brand was "Diamond Walnuts", Yep, you got it, no diamonds in there either. So, in a nut shell (ooo, funni) there is very little meaning or truth in advertising, or to the names that companies give to products, foods or anything.

Moving on to the Pillsbury Dough Boy (one of my favorites) No, you're not going to find any pills in his dough either. Have you ever thought about how your kids might view that product's name? "Pills-Bury". Not very nice, eh?

Here's one for you. Coke. Yep, there actually used to be cocaine in Coka-Cola! Many, many years ago. But, the 'powers that be' took out all of that nice white powdery stuff, and just gave us..... Coke. I'm confused again.

Now take Barbra Streisand as an example of excellence in naming conventions. She is called Barb, and she really is full of Barbs, and she gives them. Often. I've been there, I know, and they hurt! So, this makes sense. See, it's easy to do right, if you simply try. Her mother knew, I guess. Go figure.

Butter is not made from butts. Candy doesn't have any cans in it. There's no straw in strawberries. And I've yet to find an ounce of cat, in my catsup. 'ew'

So, the next time that I invent something cool, I think I'll call it "Crap-Something". Maybe something like... "Crap-Jello". No harm could come, since there's no crap in there. And we could advertise it like - "Always Firm, Never Runny."

Perhaps I should rethink that one..... that's even worse than "Arm & Hammer Baking Soda."

© 2011, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

My Breakfast of Champions
So, in I went to my kitchen yesterday morning to fix a bit of breakfast. Hungry, I was, indeed. I tend to skip dinner at times, and this morning in question was a two-fold meal for me. Opening up the cupboard, I found a hefty box of Corn Flakes. Yummy, love my flaky-bowled breakfast. Yep!

So to the frig I went in search of milk, yep. And of course - - it never fails to amaze me, that when I want my flakes the most, there is never any milk in-house.

Searching the entire interior of this cold cavern frantically, and behind an old loaf of bread, I found half a carton of cottage cheese, two sticks of butter and a bottle of ketchup, circa 1964. Oh, and one bright green avocado. That's it.

Now, in this day of foodstuffs and specialty diets, one must be aware of all of the new fads and programmes available to human-kind. Hungry, yet we are to this day, in search of innovative and creative dishes, we ford onward into the upper realms of experimentation.

Off with the green plastic-like peel, chopped in two with my sturdy cleaver, and smack into the huge brown slimy pit with my knife. One quick twist of my wrist and the pit popped out effortlessly. Plunked down into my bowl the green mass fell, as I mashed and smashed the morning green deep into my favorite cereal bowl.

In went the flakes, an extra large heap, and I began churning the mortar into a lovely cement of brown-dry, and green-wet. I then decided to leave the mix in the frig for a bit to cool the whole thing off - might taste better that way, so I thought.

That's when the phone rang out and I ran out of the room to answer. Sure enough, an emergency once again. Can the entire world not get along without me for one hour? Off I went to my studio to enter the ring and solve all the problems of the entertainment world. All in a morning's work, and that's why they pay me the big bucks, I suppose.

Left for a trip back to the east coast later that day, to begin a new project for the stage - an interesting, long-term commitment. I don't eat at home much any more, no time to cook, and most of my associates and friends tend to enjoy eating out and multi-tisking while eating. Everyone is so terribly busy these days.

So, this story brings me full circle and back home a month later, when I opened my frig in search of a bottle of water. Science is amazing. There sat my fav cereal bowl covered in a green mass of furry delight - the look could have been from an alien sea monster trough of gruel or some outer-planetary venue of delight.

I wouldn't even touch the stuff. Got out some gloves and a couple of pot holders, holding my breath and trying hard as I might, not to breath in the vapors from the toxic growth. I'm sure I saw something move in the bowl as I tossed the topiary into the kitchen sink. Run Rob, run.

Corn Flakes and Guac. Breakfast of champions.

© 2011, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

We Are All Children Of The Earth

At a time like this in america, we reflect on our children's lives. We have great hope for our youth. We care for them and we nurture as best we can, hoping that their futures are bright and filled with great dreams and success.

When life is snuffed out at such an early age, we ponder the 'what ifs' of life. We wonder what may have been, what great things might have been accomplished and what dreams could have been lived out with great triumph. And we think about our own lives - how they would have been different, if without time.

Any and all life is precious, upon that all people agree. But it is with strange differences, that we guide our youth - our children into futures determined by us - the parents in charge.

A great author once wrote that we must be 'oh so careful' what we teach our children and how we guide them into their own belief systems. For it is by these personal beliefs that they, our children and our children's children - will lead on and live on into the next 1,000 years.

If we lead and direct with love, tolerance and inclusion, then our children's futures are ensured. But if we shed a darkness of deceit, racism and exclusion onto their young minds, then we can be guaranteed more corruption, more greed, more war and hatred and a never ending denial and lack of acceptance of all peoples and all cultures forever.

We are all children of the earth. Each so very precious, each so important, and each so loved. Teach your children of tomorrow well - you parents of today. And remember that you must be 'oh so careful' what you teach your children - for children will listen. They trust you, and they learn.

Spend this time now with your kids, guiding them and teaching them how to better love, how to accept, and those all important tolerances in life.

We guide as we are guided. Peace and tolerance is the key. Forever. Love and acceptance is the answer. Always.

Commentary by J. Rob Brown
Writer-Director

Nice Memories.....

The other day I found myself outside my comfort zone. An old friend and I had gone down the PCH for a nice relaxing lunch here in greater Malibu. One of my favorite things to do in the spring is to relax over a glass of nice chilly wine, nibble on delectable goodies and dream the hours away, just relaxing and enjoying life.

The restaurant we choose was very busy, but we decided to go ahead and wait about half an hour for a table. As we stood in line with 20 or so other sunny hungry people, I noticed an older women, nicely dressed and wearing some rather large sunglasses and a large brimmed hat. She looked directly at me for a moment and smiled. I smiled back. She and her friends too were waiting for a table. And as we all stood there, hungry, waiting and people watching, this women began to hum a bit. It was a recognizable tune - I noticed it right away, as one of my favs.

And as she continued with the tune, she grew louder and louder until other people began to notice and they looked at her. I just couldn't help myself and I joined in. I had to do what had to be done. Our duet rang out and she smiled at me and she walked a bit closer and we began to harmonize. A few people smiled and watched, and then my friend and two or three others joined our glee club, giving in to a musical moment right there on the restaurant's steps.

Then I noticed something amazing and a bit odd. (I am so deeply unaware of my surroundings at times)

Across the way and down a few steps, I noticed a celeb - an "A" lister, also standing in our lunch-to-be line, waiting for a table. And at that very moment, I realized that the song that we were singing was one of that "A-Lister's" biggest hits.

And as we were singing on and on, this Mega-Star looked at me and smiled - not peeved or perturbed at our attempt, but she looked directly at me through her sun glasses and she smiled warmly. Then she put her index finger to her mouth as if to say "please - say nothing - don't let on." It was a moment in time and I had a secret.

My friend and I were finally seated, we sipped wine and had a delightful relaxing lunch over looking the Pacific. And as we were sitting there enjoying our after-glow, I asked our server for our check, to which she said "Sir, your check was already taken care of with the compliments of "Ms. B".

I thought for a moment, and then gave in to a smile.

Sometimes we haven't a clue who is around us, who is listening, who is watching, or what the outcome may be. And, it is amazing how we can touch people's lives in such seemingly small, but wonderful ways.

So here's a toast to you, "Ms. B." - thank you for a memorable lunch, and for the wine, and thanks for not going 'Simon' on me for my "less than diva" rendition of your song.

How I do love living here in Malibu! And Ms. B, I owe you one, once again, my dear.

© 2011, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

234 Years, and Still No Freedom
As you travel through Europe and take in all of the fabulous art and culture, one thing becomes immediately apparent. (and most americans find this shocking) That is, that Europeans have for centuries, celebrated the naked human body as art, in their sculptures, paintings and frescos. And, as you travel to museums, churches, public buildings and parks, and behold these visions of grace, beauty and perfection, you are moved beyond anything you have seen or experienced in america. It almost feels like you have left the human race, and are in the midst of another.

In Europe a nude body can be viewed as art, in america it is viewed as pornography and vulgar. How ironic then that more than 60% of internet-clad americans view nudity at home on a regular basis - in some form or another. In america we’re not allowed to look in public, we must hide. And we are mostly ashamed. Just the opposite is true in Europe.

So my question then would be, why do millions of americans travel to Europe to stand in lines for hours, just to view a nude marble statue?

I once asked a museum curator if these same works of art could permanently live in american museums or public buildings, and I was flatly given a resounding ‘no’. The curator said that americans would ‘never’ freely and openly accept the nude body as art. “It’s just not going to happen here”, he said, as he shook his head and walked off, muttering something about a CIA investigation, arrest and prison.

I find it almost laughable that European churches initially contracted and paid gifted artists to create most of these nude works. But these works weren't created for the money – the motivation was creative passion, beauty and grace. And it’s true, most artists do die poor.

America now lies in a dark, desperate time of poor economy and jobless millions, while Europe has millions of americans with hundreds of millions of dollars in hand, lined up just to see a naked statue. Could you imagine millions of americans lined up with dollars in hand, to view a “Venus”, or a brilliant nude fresco just outside Kansas City? And isn't poverty vulgar?

In this scenario, the church is both to credit and to blame. America still clings to its old-fashioned american church, and they cave with the right-winged bible thumpers as to what is art, what is vulgar, and what is right and wrong. The problem here I think is that americans do not question or dispute or think for themselves artistically. We have become complacent and we are afraid of church and state. So we obey, we don’t think, and we hide.

We are deathly afraid of a bit of flesh carved out in marble? Marble is so damned permanent. And america is only an instant gratification society. Live only for the moment, right? It's the american way.

After 234 years, america still has no real sense of artistic creative freedom the way that Europeans have had for a thousand years. So do we just need more time, or will we ever mature to that level? And could a new artistic american revolution possibly take us to where we belong, with these bold Europeans? How did they do it? What took them to that point? How did they become so civilized?

And forbid, that a gifted american artist might have a notion of actually creating a nude work of art – one can only imagine for how many years that pesky naked statue would spend, hidden in some dark basement - unsold, unaccepted and unwanted. And another starving american artist falls to his grave, never remembered.

Most artists that I have spoken to agree, that until the american church radically changes, that accepted american artistic mediums are frozen in time, for now. And many artists believe that it would take an actual revolution to bring about enough change so that a gifted american artist could freely and openly create and exhibit their works in public commercially.

As I stood in front of a nude statue in Italy last month, I heard a young boy, perhaps 14 years old, saying to his friend, "She is so beautiful, I think I want to cry". When I returned home I overheard an american 14 year old boy standing in front of a poster saying - "She is so hot, I think I want to jump her bones!" What a difference in cultures!

In droves, 14 year old European boys view nudity in public buildings and they get goose bumps. In america, 14 year old boys hide in their bedrooms and get erections.

Just for a moment I would ask you to be the art critic and ask yourself, "What's wrong with this picture?"
(read more..)

© 2011, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

Shift Hits the Fans

Our planet is awakening to a new realm of thought and awareness. This is global, and it is catapulting towards a grande climax that mankind has never seen. With this new wave will come a world wide understanding of truth, acceptance and solidarity. These earth changes will converge into a single unison event where worlds will collide, mankind will unite, and from the bottom up, power will shift.

The Breeding Programme

› One of the scariest thoughts for most people I think, would be that we as humans, are not at the top of the food chain. I have several scientist friends that state there is a direct posibility that we (humans) are here on earth, being bread as part of a massive breeding programme for an outside (earth) entity. This in itself, is frieghtening enough, but the more posing question I believe would be to ask ourselves "Can we out smart or out think these creatures/beings and win out over them?" The answer to that question lies within our future - which of course, no one knows.... And if we cannot over come a future of ending up in a saute pan with butter and shallots - well - then, here's to a lovely meal! I just love white meat. Pass the Canadians please.

Think Peace My Friends...

Well, the lights will be on late in the "War Room" tonight, and I am most loquacious about that. I just hope that 'The Powers That Be" are trying to work out an internal compromise to stop a war, instead of viciously attempting to eliminate the entire human race. Think about peace my friends, just think about peace...

So Be It Boy

It is possible to completely change your life, with abstract thinking. You can change your future and what others perceive as your existence, simply by thought. It doesn't take physical action on your part, no marching in the streets, no violence, or visions of terminal. It takes you, re-thinking your present and your future, as a truth. In reality, the only thing that we really have any control over is ourselves. And we can manifest any thinking that we want, simply by choice. Think a future beyond your now, with abstract thought.

People Puppy Love - or - Scratch & Sniff
› What's the first thing two dogs do when they meet? Wouldn't it be funny if people did that? Can you imagine a reception line at a wedding, or a family reunion, or meeting your in-laws for the first time?

The News-Whores of america:
If Hollywood rules our lives, then the american television news media has to be the fueling force for that fire of unjust truth.

It amazes me how local news-whores such as NBC, CBS, ABC, etc. continue to get away with absolute hellish-uncivilized acts of aggression on an innocent public at large with their video cameras and microphones crammed in open orifices.

They (the news leeches) are permitted and tolerated by you - an ignorant american public, to continue to harass and publicly implicate (for local television ratings and sensationalism) the innocent and helpless citizens of this country.

It is time for justice to over power these "whores of the lowest form of justice" - "The Angry Mob."

You - the american people, feed on this intoxicating drug of public delight, leaving nothing but injustice and untruths to remain. Look into the real camera, you citizens of untruth.

Beautiful Things = Beautiful Lives
Surround yourself with beauty. Beautiful people, gorgeous places and beautiful things. In time, you become part of what is near you. Children who are put into extraordinary environments, become more than the whole. Extend yourself into the beautiful part of life - therein lies your better destiny.

On The Subject of Youth and Age
So the days have worn away and here we are, left with nothing but our memories and our half-lived dreams. And now we wait to die. And we reminisce about great times and loves and conquests of our youth. And what we have conquered is nothing but a past, filled with broken dreams and wanton wishes long forgotten. And what do we do now? Sit and wait? Or is it too late to go and create new dreams and conquests and new youth? Should we never stop dreaming? Never live again? Love again? Will youth accept us in our aged state?

Can someone just stop them from breeding... ?

One thing that always knocks my socks off are those little 'american christians'. Bless their hearts! They sure are comical and amusing, better than going to the zoo on a sunday afternoon with the kids. Them and their picnics, and their prayers, and funny robes and singing them funny songs - oh, and those thick books they carry around and thump. lol. Their antics and actions just 'crack me up' - their little eyes get real big, and they start to talk real loud when they recruit - ya gotta give 'em credit for that, don't ya! They sure is funny. Sometimes I laugh so hard I almost peez my pants! - - however, can someone just stop them from breeding so much - my loard, we certainly have enough of them around - and we certainly don't want them teaching our kids to be gay either, do we? I mean, if they want to live their lives like that, that's fine, just don't try to convert me or turn me that way or turn my kids that way either. Ya gotta stand up for your rights here in american. We all know what's right, don't we?

234 Years, and Still No Freedom

As you travel through Europe and take in all of the fabulous art and culture, one thing becomes immediately apparent. (and most americans find this shocking) That is, that Europeans have for centuries, celebrated the naked human body as art, in their sculptures, paintings and frescos. And as you travel to museums, churches, public buildings and parks, and behold these visions of grace, beauty and perfection, you are moved beyond anything you have seen or experienced in america. It almost feels like you have left the human race, and are in the midst of another.

In Europe a nude body can be viewed as art, in america it is viewed as pornography and vulgar. How ironic then that more than 60% of internet-clad americans view nudity at home on a regular basis - in some form or another. In america we’re not allowed to look in public, we must hide. And we are mostly ashamed. Just the opposite is true in Europe.

So my question then would be, why do millions of americans travel to Europe to stand in lines for hours, just to view a nude marble statue?

I once asked a museum curator if these same works of art could permanently live in american museums or public buildings, and I was flatly given a resounding ‘no’. The curator said that americans would ‘never’ freely and openly accept the nude body as art. “It’s just not going to happen here”, he said, as he shook his head and walked off, muttering something about a CIA investigation, arrest and prison.

I find it almost laughable that European churches initially contracted and paid gifted artists to create most of these nude works. But these works weren’t created for the money – the motivation was creative passion, beauty and grace. And it’s true, most artists do die poor.

America now lies in a dark, desperate time of poor economy and jobless millions, while Europe has millions of americans with hundreds of millions of dollars in hand, lined up just to see a naked statue. Could you imagine millions of americans lined up with dollars in hand, to view a “Venus”, or a brilliant nude fresco just outside Kansas City? And isn’t poverty vulgar?

In this scenario, the church is both to credit and to blame. America still clings to its old-fashioned american church, and they cave with the right-winged bible thumpers as to what is art, what is vulgar, and what is right and wrong. The problem here I think is that americans do not question or dispute or think for themselves artistically. We have become complacent and we are afraid of church and state. So we obey, we don’t think, and we hide.

We are deathly afraid of a bit of flesh carved out in marble? Marble is so damned permanent. And america is only an instant gratification society. Live only for the moment, right? It's the american way.

After 234 years, america still has no real sense of artistic creative freedom the way that Europeans have had for a thousand years. So do we just need more time, or will we ever mature to that level? And could a new artistic american revolution possibly take us to where we belong, with these bold Europeans? How did they do it? What took them to that point? How did they become so civilized?

And forbid, that a gifted american artist might have a notion of actually creating a nude work of art – one can only imagine for how many years that pesky naked statue would spend, hidden in some dark basement - unsold, unaccepted and unwanted. And another starving american artist falls to his grave, never remembered.

Most artists that I have spoken to agree, that until the american church radically changes, that accepted american artistic mediums are frozen in time, for now. And many artists believe that it would take an actual revolution to bring about enough change so that a gifted american artist could freely and openly create and exhibit their works in public commercially.

As I stood in front of a nude statue in Italy last month, I heard a young boy, perhaps 14 years old, saying to his friend, "She is so beautiful, I think I want to cry". When I returned home I overheard an american 14 year old boy standing in front of a poster saying - "She is so hot, I think I want to jump her bones!" What a difference in cultures!

In droves, 14 year old European boys view nudity in public buildings and they get goose bumps. In america, 14 year old boys hide in their bedrooms and get erections.

Just for a moment I would ask you to be the art critic and ask yourself, "What's wrong with this picture?"

Mr. Demitri Alingudtyme

People come and go in this big wide wonderful world we live in, and we make friends and lose them just about as fast as we lose the lottery. Keen on longevity and maintaining good health, we careful live our lives without risk or torture to our best ability - functioning as a flock of wayward birds in flight, we succumb to the seasons as we rise and fall with those earthly moon tides, never doubting a higher power. But, what if - what if any one of these things was not a constant in our lives? What if - what if the moon was not there, or birds refused to fly, or all lotto bets were off?

The one thing that all men, including Mr. Demitri Alingudtyme, waits and lives for, is hope. Hope for a better future for our children's lives, and for mankind as one, that we might live long enough, to see just a glimpse of a brighter future.

Here's to you - Dimitri, and to your flock. May they never doubt their future, and trust in your every move without question.

I'll meet you off-planet - in the spring.

So, the next phase of my life has been and I am excited with the possibilities that lie ahead.

The first thing that I learned in last phase was that I never want to play with those mean old aliens again. They are to be avoided at all costs.

Of course, that's a hard plan to follow with all of the present day interaction and 'cross-culture' programes that our government has presented to us. And, of course we must do what our government wants us to do, right?

With more than 230 alien civilizations now known to exist in our galaxy of thought, it's hard not to be affected by our new visitors.

The future of mankinds' coexistance with these aliens is dependent on our learning to barter, bargain and negotiate with them - for whatever they end up wanting...

The moon and the night and the music...

› I was on a plane last week, and had a most unique experience. It was surreal. I boarded the plane at 11:40 pm for a red eye back from Malibu. It was a big 737 and there were only two other passengers on the plane. The flight attendants welcomed me, handed me several little bottles of scotch and they went up front for the night. They closed their curtains and strapped in to get some sleep. The other two passengers were up in first class, asleep as well. I peeked in on them twice. I'm sure I heard some dual snoring.

So, there I was in the rear of the plane with my scotch, neat, all alone with 150 empty seats around me, sitting in the darkness at 38,000 feet. What a feeling! There was a strange quiet on the plane. All of that precious oxygen, just for me! The night was clear, a million stars were out in force and a full moon loomed in the eastern sky. It was glorius. It was one of those moments in your life that you remember forever.

So what happens when you're all alone on a plane, with no one to see or notice or care about what you do?

(this is where it gets really strange)

I sang. I stood up and I sang. And I was loud. I began my first set with the star spangled banner and then moved on to more relevant selections.

I belted out two dozen jazz favorites and six Broadway show scores, followed by a collection of Streisand's greatest hits (that took more than two hours). I took requests from the other ghost passengers and I sang and sang. Loud. I even danced the Tango followed by a triple somersault in the aisle. I ran up and down and tried every seat on the plane to see which one was best. I jumped from row to row and I giggled like a drunken fool. I even visited the beverage cart for some additional little scotch bottles and some ice - I was quite parched. Then I laid down in my triple wide seat, kicked off my shoes, had another drink and sang my very favorite song. And it was loud. This was my moment.

I sang but no one cared. There I was, alone on a big jet airplane. Free to perform my lude acts as I pleased. It was all too exciting. The power was intoxicating. Adrenaline was pumping and I was high as a 747.

I found myself talking to the nonexistent passengers and I barked orders at their empty seats. They didn't talk back but it didn't matter. I was king of the cabin and it was my moment.

I did things that I had never dreamed of doing. And the night wore on.

Reality came back hard and all too soon as we landed and the flight attendant came back to check on me and make sure I was buckled in. She looked very sleepy. She had some pointy hair sticking up off her head, and a tiny bit of dried crusty drool running down her chin. Guess she slept really hard. Funny picture, huh?

And as I walked off the plane that morning I wondered how I looked and I wondered if any one could tell what I had just done. Were my cheeks flushed red? Did my guilt show? Was I just a little too happy?

BTW - row 24, seat 'F' is the best seat on an empty 737. Just wanted to share that with you in case you ever charter your own jet.

Maybe that's why John Travolta owns and flies his own jumbo jet. Perhaps he knows something? Maybe he too crowns his trips as 'King of the Kabin". Perhaps he sings and dances and moons the other planes as they pass in the night. John, shame on you!

So, a few days later I was in bed thinking about my glorious experience, when a horrific thought suddenly came over me. What if the airlines had secret cameras hidden in that cabin and what if someone in some office somewhere watched all of this? And what if my dancing and singing and everything else I did ended up on YouTube or America's Funniest Videos or even worse? What if there was a Senate hearing?

And I didn't even tell you yet about the interpretive Slavic dance in the galley, or about peeing in the sink, (no hands) or climbing over 30 rows of seats, backwards - in the nude. And then there was the other part where I ...

OMG. John, what have we done?

Captain Anderson of Flight #786 to New York City - please forgive me. It must have been the moon and the night and the music.

And if it's not too late, I beg you - please destroy those tapes.

Always try to see the bright side of every story.

› Once upon a time there laid a fellow. And the room gasped as he did. The others in the room all remarked how brazen the two were. And the police were called in to unlock the two. Upon their arrival, they discovered that they were connected at birth by the past. And so, the authorities left the two alone to live there lives in peace and love. The onlookers clapped with joy. The two stood and accepted their standing ovation with glee. And that, my friends, is the end of this piece of tale.

J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director

Gods, humor and glutony - the three building blocks of life...

› When people are frightened they turn to gods. When they are sad they hide in comedy. And, when they are satiated with a beautiful life and all its glory, they turn to gluttony. Gods, denial and gluttony... the three building blocks of a misinformed and misguided race. I will, until the day I die, continue to search for intelligent life on planet earth.

J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director

...... so look hard and close at the facts of the past, ignore the writings of the present, and prepare for the future.

› You would have to be a snail living in a shell on a distant planet not to be aware of the coming 2012 event on earth. And yet, so many people still have their heads buried in the sand it would seem. We definitely know that something is going to happen, something big is coming. And with all of the fierce predictions from the past 2,000 years, therein the answer lies, but who knows what? The realistic thing to do it would seem, would be to read everything from the past, and investigate as much as you can on the event, and make your own conclusions. Look hard and closely at the facts of the past - ignore the writings of the present, and prepare for the future. Hide in caves? Bury the dead? Wait for the mother ship to arrive? Who knows... but one thing is certain - on December 22, 2012, some folks are going to be running around saying - "I told you so, I told you so!" And, of course, if the end does come on December 21, 2012 - - well, then I guess nobody is going to be saying much of anything.

And, would you guess that our government is doing anything to prepare for this event? Are they just sitting back and 'waiting to see what happens'? Well, you'd once again have to be that infamous snail, living in your shell on a distant planet to think that they [our government] are with that snail. We can be certain - absolutely certain, that our 'in-chargers' are absolutely in control, and are totally prepped and waiting for this event. And, as in most cases involving our country and catastrophes that strike us - - they are not going to come rushing to our side as we need help, but rather take care of those at the top and sustain life and power there. At the top. There is no trickle down theory here, just the top, nothing more. So, it would seem that you and I are alone on this great big planet - left to fend for ourselves. And, if you don't have tons of cash laying around to play cave-bunker with, well, then, you're fucked. Really fucked. Think back to a storm that hit New Orleans one day - just a single storm that hit a town. And that took our government three months to respond adequately to those poor folk that were left blown away by wind and water. So, think about something larger, much larger - a "Global Event" of enormous proportion hitting the world. How could our government possibly respond in any manner? They can't. And they won't. You and I are alone here to fend for ourselves. Totally. One thing is certain when it comes to predicting this event I believe, and that is that no matter how hard you think, no matter how hard you try to figure out exactly what will happen, no matter how well informed you are before this event - you could not possibly predict even a fraction of what will take place here. Not a fraction. To think that you are safe and prepared is to give in to the ultimate self deception. We know nothing. And most of us will perish if this event unfolds even close to what prophecy tells us. Once again I would say to you, do not listen or read what is being printed today as opinion, but rather, go to the past, to the source of the information and the predictions, to find the truth and the real answers.

J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director

Rings Around Your Ass...

There now seem to be five upcoming dates, proclaimed by devout wackies, that the world will end. The dates are May 11, 2011 - May 14, 2011 and May 21, 2011. And of course, in the fall, when all things begin to die.... October 21, 2011. All this leading up to our 'true-known end date' of December 21, 2012. I cant believe how these crazies are rushing our date, and cheating us of our down time....

And, there is a large group of French folks that are converging on a high mountain top on May 11th, in France. Yet another group of Italian folks are all leaving Rome later this week, due to the alignment of planets and the upcoming super eruption of a volcano/earthquake combo meal (biggie-sized). That along with the Christian date of May 21, 2011 - where we have more than 200 cars driving all around the country proclaiming the end.... with billboards and huge signs and chanting and singing and such. (Where do these people get their funding for this?) Quite dramatic, huh?

I checked back as far as I could on the Internet to see how many other times in the past 'the end' has been predicted, only to find more than 600 day-events listed. Everybody just can't wait to check-out, so it seems.

With all of these end-days and earthquake predictions around the "Ring of Fire" in the Pacific, seems that we best beware of upcoming dates where planets align, and 'Nostro-doomed-us'-type folks tell us to run to the hills.....

Interesting, that they call it "the ring of fire". Maybe everyone should worry more about the ring around their ass. Makes more sense to me.

J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director

When cats and dogs fight.

› I was at a friend's house watching television the other night and there were two politicians of opposing parties fighting over the silliest of topics with great fervor and incredible malice towards one another. And as I watched the fighting and listened to the mean words, I could see the hatred, and feel the complete lack of love and zero tolerance for each other. Then I looked down and noticed my friends cat and dog lying on the floor taking a nap. In fact, the cat's head was laying on the dog's tummy, and the dog had his paws gently wrapped around the cat. Both seemed to be purring. Nothing could have been more peaceful. And then I looked back at the TV...

J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director

THOUGHTS FROM WITHIN

My Situation:
I am completely and totally fed up with religion, with politics, and with capitalism. My life would be better off without these three evil all-consuming, all-controling aspects of life in our america. Of this, I am certain. And without active participation in these three things in this country, you are an exclusionist. Not part of the whole, unwanted, a sore on the back of government and of the god-fearing sheep. The 99%.

Their Past:
Just a generation ago, life in america was different. There was hope for a bright future, we had adequate energy, food, and work for all. And in just a single lifetime, in a single generation, 99% of mankind has been enslaved and tossed aside for 1% of america's wealthy. A capitalistic society was the vehicle, and the destination of this journey. And the middle class - these 99%, are the spoils of these rich 1%.

Our Problem:
For 235 years now, this country has tried to make a go of capitalism. It has failed. We must - we are being forced to try something different. Many have suggested a go with socialism. And, it may indeed be better for the vast majority of folks in this country. Perhaps the 99% would once again have a shot at the 1%. One thing I do know for sure, is that as long as this country has no separation of state with politics, religion, and greed - we are certainly destined for more of the same..... and that, my dear friend is not good. Not for the 99%.

The Journey:
Our planet is now awakening to a new realm of thought and awareness. This is global, and it is catapulting towards a grande climax that mankind has never seen. With this new wave will come a world wide understanding of truth, acceptance and solidarity. These earth changes will converge into a single unison event where worlds will collide, mankind will unite, and from the bottom up, power will shift.

Your Destination:
So, the question is - where do you want to go? Where will you be in 2012, in 2024, in 2056? Where will your family and where will your children end up? In what state? And what kind of life will you - and will they live? It will be by your personal, direct, and individual actions today that will forever determine the future of you, your family, your children, and of your country. These next few moments in your life are critical. Life altering.

J Rob Brown,
Writer-Director

© 2011 John Robert Brown, All rights reserved.

The high cost of love...

› I had a date the other night - I've started dating now since I wrapped my last film, have free time, and, being single once again (by my own choice) decided to take the plunge and try to find me a new man for my life. Breathtaking, isn't it? So, my on-line-arranged date and I decided to meet at a wine bar for a glass of delightful red, and see where the evening led - if indeed we wanted to move forward and have dinner, or more....

We met and he seemed very nice. We had our glass of Pinot, and decided to order a second as we talked about everything and began to really enjoy each other's company. One thing led to another, and we decided to order a cheese plate there - we were both hungry by then. Then, the conversation lead to the topic of dinner, which we both agreed on. We went to my fav restaurant (it's safe and reasonable), and we had a couple of drinks and ordered our appetizers and entrees. Dinner conversation was spectacular and the food was excellent, a real treat. We talked for two hours. Things were going well it seemed. Later we decided to go across the street to see a movie that we both had been dying to see. We had popcorn and drinks and laughed our asses off at the flick. All in all - the evening was a success. So it's tough, but I'm back into the dating scene once again, or so I thought.

Bottom line: had a great time, the company was wonderful and the food and entertainment were awesome. However, (and here's the caveat) I found out after I got home and checked my receipts for the night, that I can't afford to date. And I make a decent wage - or so I thought. But at this rate and pace of meeting and eating and drinking and having pleasant conversations with strange men, I'll be in the poor house after a few months of dating. So, what to do? (see below for the answer)

Here's a run down on the evening's tab: Wine bar (four glasses), $32.50. Cheese platter (at the wine bar) $16.00. Tax and tip was $18.00. Cocktails, appetizers and dinner for two ran us $132.97, tax and tip included. The movie was $22.00 to get in, and $28.75 for popcorn and cokes. Total cost of my date: $ 250.22.

Now, just a few years ago when I was single - - oh wait, I guess that was quite a few years back..... a date would cost me $30-$40. But now, even at the cost of splitting the evening half-sies, I can't afford to do. (on an on-going basis) So, I called him up, (Jeff) told him I'd like to see him again and suggested that we meet and watch a video at my place, and I'd fix us a ham sandwich. He laughed, called me cheap, and told me that I'm not the kind of person he wanted to date. This same scenario has happened three times this week. And I'm old. And time is short. If I'm gonna find me a man, it's got to be in a hurry. I'm a senior now, (in gay years) and we can go at any time. Just like that (snap). Right?

Now here's the scary part of this scenario - I have already lined up another six guys that I'd like to meet so far from my on-line encounters (they all seem like really nice guys). But that's gonna set me back $1,500.00! ( and forbid someone likes lobster) And, no guarantee if I'm even going to see this stranger again. High-stakes gambling. And I recently read that it can take 60 to 80 actual dates before guys like me find a mate these days. So they say.

And I'm asking myself "Do I really want to spend more than $20,000.00 to find a mate?" Wow. The high cost of love...

So, how do you find out if your guy is "the one", without spending a fortune on this dating game? I have no idea - but now it's all a bit clearer to me why so many people settle for less than "the one" when they date and mate. And no wonder why television reruns are so popular these days.

If anyone has an idea on this, please call me. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'm old and lonely, but I make one mean ham sandwich.

J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director

(Intelligent) Monologues for Aspiring Actors:

by J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director

Room 129
a monologue by J. Rob Brown

› The first time I met her, I was only 17, she was 38. She had the advantage. I was naive.

I was a virgin and she had made it with more than a hundred guys my age. She seemed to enjoy slowly undressing me and licking me all over. I was scared.

She was so hot. Real big jugs. And I - yes I like boobies.

So anyhow there we were at the Southside Holiday Inn. Room 129. A double queen.

She slipped out of her silky gown and pushed me down on the bed. I was very hard. And she was wet. I could feel it.

I almost passed out when she took me in her mouth and did it all the way.

I came twice. She moaned for an hour.

.....and that's when her husband walked in.

Letting Go
a monologue by J. Rob Brown

› There once was a dog named Spot. And he lived in a wonderful house with the Jones family. And Spot lived a very wonderful life, full of fun and excitement. His family gave him cats to play with, and bones to chew on and lot's and lot's of squirrels to chase around his trees. A dog could not ask for a better life.

And in the winter time, when it was cold outside, and temperatures dropped below freezing, the Jones family would bring spot into the house, so he could stay safe and warm on those cold nights.

And on special days when the family was celebrating with fancy dinners and parties and such, the family would even give Spot special treats like chew bones and cakes and presents all wrapped up in fancy paper. And Spot loved these special days. They were the best.

And one day Spot noticed that there were several other dogs that lived near him, but they didn't seem as happy as Spot did. And Spot wondered why? So Spot went out on a quest to find out what was wrong with all of the other dogs in his neighborhood, and to find out why he was so happy, and why the other dogs weren't as happy. They didn't smile, they hardly ever wagged their tails, and he was sure that they never received special presents and bones on those special days like he did.

Spot felt bad for these other dogs, and he thought about this for a very long time. And he wondered and he wondered until he finally realized something - it was like a doggie epiphany! Spot suddenly realized that he was special, and was indeed entitled to more than those other dogs. Much, much more. So he went to his doggie bed and he took inventory of all of his toys, his bones, his presents and such and he stacked them in a huge pile and just sat there and he looked at them And he felt so high, and mighty and proud that he was so important that he had the most toys in the neighborhood.

And then one day, when Spot was taking one of his afternoon naps, another dog came along. He never did find out from where this dog came. But the dog was little and very feisty and such, and this little dog would chase its tail and yip and bark quite lively, and the whole family would laugh and clap and pet this little dog a lot. They hardly even noticed Spot any longer. And Spot was sad and felt alone and almost like he wasn't even part of the family any more.

He noticed that the little dog got all of the best bones and food and presents on those special days when the family all came together and smiled a lot. And Spot fell into a deep, dark depression and he decided to get some help. He went to some of the other neighborhood dogs and he asked them what they thought? He told them that he used to get lots and lots of presents and bones and such, but now there was a new, little dog that was getting all of the attention, and he wondered what he had done to fall from grace.

The other dogs in the neighborhood just stood there and they laughed at Spot, and they made him feel terrible. They looked at him and they said "Now you know how it feels not to be the one on top, don't you!"

And Spot felt terrible and didn't understand this at all. He hadn't done anything to deserve this kind of treatment. He was a good dog, and he had worked hard, and he was loyal and totally devoted to the Jones family for many, many years. Nothing was more important to him. But the other dogs just looked at him and they laughed and laughed and made him feel even worse.

And then one night he noticed that he didn't have much of an appetite, and he couldn't eat. And he had a very funny feeling in his tummy. He almost felt like he was all alone in the world. And this confused Spot too. And he thought about this for a very long time.

So the next day he decided to have it out with the Papa Jones and Mama Jones and all of the children, so he went right into their bedroom and he talked to them - a lot. And he barked and he barked and he begged and he rolled over and he did everything that he could think of to try to make them understand that he still wanted to be their favorite dog - - it was his life, nothing mattered more.

But they didn't seem to understand what he was saying. They just laughed for a moment, and then ignored him.

And then the next day, the Jones family found Spot in his bed, and he could hardly move. And he felt very weak. He was very confused. What had he done to deserve this? He had so much to do - but he was so confused.

So his family took him in the car to a very strange place, and everyone in his family said good-bye to him and they left him in a small room all alone.

Then a lady in a white coat came into the room and she rubbed his neck and smiled at him. And then something wonderful came over Spot that he couldn't quite understand - it was almost like all of those special days with his family all rolled into one grand moment, and he felt so wonderful and alive and happy again.

And he smiled and he couldn't wait to get back home. He felt almost like he was flying like a bird, but even this was confusing because he suddenly felt so terribly tired.

He tried to get up to leave, but he couldn't. He wanted to run and play and be back at his house but he could barely keep his eyes open.

And then the kind lady looked down at Spot and said, "It's okay boy, it's all okay now. You can just let go. Just let go.

And she smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. And in that moment, Spot felt like he wasn't alone any more.

And he smiled. And he felt like he wanted to take one of his favorite afternoon naps.

So he closed his eyes, and he just let go.

The Court Jester Exposed
a monologue by J. Rob Brown

Do I look crazy?

› Okay, so I got this job as a perverted Court Jester at a castle! What can I say – times are hard, we’re in a recession, right? And I like the job – a lot. It’s fun. I get to make people laugh and clown around and act stupid, and I get paid really good money! What’s not to like.

So I stand around, sometimes naked, I look funny, I pinch girls butts, I kiss people when they’re not looking, I pick my nose and flick boogers in their drinks, I even fart in public and sniff crotches. Type-Casting, right?

And I work for this King – a very strange man who is a total sexual deviate! He humps everything in sight – and I do mean everything. (he rubs his butt) And he expects me to cover for him, so he can get away with these lude acts.

And then there is this nymphomaniac-Princess that has the hots for me twenty-four slash seven, and I can’t keep up. She wants it night and day non-stop! (rubs his pee pee and makes a face)

Then there’s the King’s gay son. (pause and freeze) Yep, ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Like I said, the money’s good.

So in a nut shell, and there are a lot of nuts in this castle – I have sold my sexual soul, all for a job.

Now that’s crazy!

The Universe According to Imagination
a monologue by J. Rob Brown

Just because you can't see something doesn't mean that it's not there.

I can site hundreds of examples for you. Love, air, neutrons, sound, dust mites..... etc. Get it?

So, now let's just for a moment, accept the fact that there are parallel Universes. Many.

And let's accept the fact, just for a moment, that you exist on more than one Universe. Now, contemplate this and create this reality within your mind just for an instant.

You can't actually see this in reality, but you can understand it, comprehend it, imagine it. And you can actually feel it now. Right?

And let's just say that you can see yourself in one of these parallel Universes. And imagine yourself imagining you, in this Universe that you're now in - in reality.

Now think about how you (the other you) see yourself - as you, once removed.

(Hold up your left hand as if a mirror, gaze into it slowly, intense, and very slowly turn in a circle. When you come back to front view, have a different expression on your face - be a different person as you observe your new reality.)

Welcome to my world.

(Pause, then very slowly, a slight smile and a twinkle in your eye.)

Diddles, anyone?
a monologue by J. Rob Brown

› I recently went to a restaurant, and the waiter came over to our table and asked us if we wanted 'diddles' or not?

I was startled and didn't know quite what to say. My dinner guest was just as flabbergasted as I was. So I looked at the waiter and asked if he had recently had diddles, to which he replied that he wasn't of that persuasion, therefore he didn't usually partake.

We were still confused, so I went further, asking if any of the other dinner guests had had 'diddles' that night, to which he said "Well, I don't really know, I just came on duty and haven't had time to observe any of the other guests yet".

We were so frustrated by that time that my dining companion decided to go straight for the punch and asked him what the hell he meant by 'diddles', and if it was a food item, or something to drink, or otherwise...., to which he said - - oh, my gosh, my order is up for table 39 - I'll be right back.

Well, about 30 minutes went by and no waiter. Finally he arrived once again in front of us, somewhat flushed in the cheeks and apologized for the delay. I actually wondered if he had maybe just had 'diddles'.

I couldn't hold back any longer, I just had to ask him.... Please - tell me! What the hell are 'diddles'?

- - - and that's when the fire alarm went off and the entire restaurant had to be evacuated out into the streets.

And the fire trucks came.

What a night!

BabyCakes Makes Pancakes
a monologue by J. Rob Brown

› Okay, so I got out of bed this morning and I wanted pancakes. Not unusual to want some pancakes – right?

And I can’t cook. So, when I want pancakes, I gotta get my lovey to make them for me.

So, I called up my BabyCakes – that’s what I call my sweetie – “BabyCakes”.

So there I stood in my underwear, in need of pancakes, calling BabyCakes, and I'm on the take.

So when BabyCakes finally got to my apartment and I was just about starving to death….

... anyhow, out comes that big ole frying pan. I love skillets – they are so commanding and sexy.

I love syrup too, it’s so sticky.

BabyCakes, Pancakes, and Sticky, the perfect morning.

My Personals Ad on CraigsList
a monologue by J. Rob Brown

› Posted on CraigsList under "Personals":

Well, I'm looking for a husband. Now this shouldn't be a problem, cause I'm really really hot. At least my uncle told me so when I was 13.....

Now I do have one or two tiny little things that some might consider a bit negative, but love reigns supreme. Right?

First of all, I do drinks a bit and I can get pretty fucked up, but I've been able to find my way home five out of seven nights this week. Better than last week. And my test results came back from the free clinic and I came out clean this month - first time this year. I'm so proud. And I finished up my trips to the probation officer. That was a rough 7 years! I still say he looked older than 11. But, live and learn.

I'm looking for my first job. Which is tough at 47. Times are tough. I had to cut back on most of my recreational drugs. All the more reason to increase the basket weaving classes once again. And the food stamps sure do help when you're down and out. I sure am hungry. Have lost another 38 pounds this year. Down to 387 now. More motivation to find me a rich man, so I can continue with my 6 year television marathon. Two down....

I am upset that they changed the bus schedule here at the Center - I now have to ride my neighbor's bicycle to and from, to go see my psychologist. She says only 9 more sessions and I'll be ready to take the drapes down from the security windows soon, and remove the lawn furniture from the shower.

It sure is hard to get rest at night when all those puppies are barking in the closet. Those little bulldogs just keep breeding and breeding and breeding. Smells a little funny in there too. Maybe I could sell some of those puppies and make some money - I'll have to save up so I can post an ad on CraigsList I guess.

So, in a nutshell, I'm free, white, and well over 21, so my quest to find a man should be a breeze. Right?

* My mommy and daddies tell me that I'm difficult to live with - with all of my manias and phobias that I'm dealing with.... but I know most people do have issues talking to blue microwaves and dealing with psychic squirrels. Ya gotta fit in.

*** And I am so relieved that they make adult Depends now - in the large size. It has changed my life! I am not ashamed by my penis size.

- Remember: The Oceans will rise up and bring forth a new age! My army counselor swears so. I like helmets. Sure wish I had finished grade school.

Finally: I am hot. I am single. And I am availabubble. So give me a call, but just remember - no buddy is completly perfectk.

Sunday Dinner
a monologue by J. Rob Brown
(Don't try this one unless you know for sure that the Casting Director is a vegetarian with a great sense of humor)

› I belong to a cult. And we are fringe. So far, we are safe, and no one has arrested us or tried to stop us from our actions or wanton desires. But time may be short.

I like to take poor helpless birds - preferably the kind that can't fly, and I like to rip off their heads and fling the entire carcass into boiling oil, and watch blood squirt out of their tiny bodies.

And when they are good and dead, I religiously eat their arms and their legs.

I then rip the rancid skin off of their frail legs and I feed it to my children. The little ones are flushed with the frenzy of warm flesh. The excitement is high and they lust and succumb to our barbaric ways. They slobber and gobble these creatures down their gullies greedily. And they become one of us.

And we are pleased. And the masses yearn for more flesh and more sacrifice.

And as I rip off chunks of flesh from these warm bones and suck and lick the dead carcasses, it makes me feel like a cave man.

I relish in this barbaric ritual every Sunday.

We prey on these creatures. We are many. And we hide in our homes and we do this willingly. And on special days we gather in groups and huddle and perform this lude act of sacrifice on many. And we encourage others to partake.

Let's just hope that our government doesn't declare fried chicken illegal, or tell us that chickens are now an endangered species - or sacred, like the Indians did with cows. You can't even eat a hamburger in India today.

What's next, banning fried dogs in Vietnam?

Those bastards! How can they be so cruel?

Would you pass the mashed potatoes and gravy please? Anyone here want the last leg?

Just Love
a monologue by J. Rob Brown

› Love.

When someone takes your hand, and you feel the power of that touch.

When a child sits in your lap, and tells you that you're the best mommy (daddy) in the whole wide world.

When an old dog walks over to you and wags its tail, not caring if you smell funny of not.

You awake in the early morning to the smell of freshly brewed coffle and a warm croissant with jam.

You come home after a long hard day of work, and dinner is on the table - all your favorite dishes, perfectly prepared and waiting.

You go into your closet and notice that your laundry has been done, without asking.

A friend cares enough to just listen, rather than talk.

The phone rings and it's a dinner invite for Thanksgiving.

You open a present, and it's more than you deserve, but everything you wanted.

You forget your birthday, but someone else doesn't.

You're really hungry, and there is a knock at the door, and it's dinner, just for you.

Someone leaves a rose on your windshield, but you never know who.

A rainbow appears in the distant sky, and someone begins singing your favorite song.

You're late getting home from work, and your suitcase has already been packed for your trip.

You find yourself alone, but not feeling alone because of someone special in your life.

And finally, knowing when to say no, even when it's just so hard, and hurts so very much.

Love is gentle. Love is passion. Love is giving. Love is tolerance. Love is honesty. Love is understanding. Love is caring. Love is intimacy. Love is peaceful. Love is overwhelming. Love is a poem. Love is a story. Love is truth. Love is time. Love is a lifetime of people. Love is you. Love is me.

Definitions
a monologue by J. Rob Brown

› Definition of a lush: my mother.

Definition of a drunk: my father.

Definition of a broken marriage: my parents.

Definition of a slut: my sister.

Definition of a junkie: my brother.

Definition of hatred: my baptist grandmother.

Definition of a poor town: here.

Definition of empty: my family.

Definition of sad: my home.

Definitions can be mixed and varied. Definitions can be great or small, good or bad, hateful or loving. Definitions make the man, and tell you who you are. Define yourself not by others, but by who you are inside as a person. Don't let others around you define who you are or what you become. Rise up and be more than they define for you. Become your own definition. Define and devise.

Definition of forgiveness: - - mine.

Definition of a very rich man: ... me.

J. Rob Brown, Writer-Director
© 2023, John Robert Brown. All rights reserved.

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